


The magic touch

by s_a_b_i_n_e



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Bonding over music, Fluff, Happy Ending, Healing Love, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Isolated smut, It's not all sad - I promise, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentioning of Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Non-explicit mentioning of domestic violence, Non-explicit mentioning of murder, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past unlabled eating disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:40:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 42,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27817693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e
Summary: Magnus is the owner of the successful law firm 'Bane & Rollins'. His own experiences with mental health issues led him to unusual ways in his leadership of employees and some unique coping mechanisms in his private life.Alec had everything: a promising career, a beautiful fiancée, and a future at his parents' law firm. But when he disobeyed his parents, he lost everything. Living in his sister's guest room, he moves from one marginal employment to the next.What happens when the two men meet?
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 802
Kudos: 565
Collections: Favorite Malec Stories





	1. Chapter 1

"I know, Alec," Izzy says, her phone precariously sandwiched between her shoulder and ear. "There is this super-rich client I need to finish up and then I'm right on my way."

She searches her desk for a specific file while listening to her brother ranting about him being left alone at his parents' mercy. She understands his anger, especially as she was meant to act as a protective shield and their brother Jace is stuck in traffic who knows where.

There's a knock and Izzy looks up. Her boss' spiky shock of hair appears in the opened door and Izzy nods slightly nervous.

"I'll text you as soon as I'm leaving, okay? Bye."

She hangs up before Alec can answer and she feels bad about it, but there is nothing she can do to leave earlier. She needs to keep this job. More even. She _wants_ to keep this job. It's the best work-life balance she's ever had since finishing college. 

The office's atmosphere is collegial and the hierarchy flat. The payment is good, especially as she isn't expected to only exist for her job.

She doesn't miss her old offices one bit. Competitiveness was the main incentive there and talking colleagues down was at the top of everybody's agenda. And when she worked for her parents, the sycophants were even worse.

But here, everyone likes coming together, sharing a coffee or talking over lunch - from the typists in the cubicles up to the owners. It's like a family should look like and the irony isn't lost on Izzy.

Of course, there is office gossip at 'Banes & Rollins', too. But it never turns nasty or too private. Rumour has it that the two bosses are _a thing_. No wonder when you see how often they touch each other in passing. They are very affectionate around one another, but there has never been a public kiss so everyone is still guessing.

Izzy doesn't care about all of that anyway. She cares about her career, the football team she coaches, her boyfriend, and last but not least her three brothers.

The youngest, Max, is travelling around the world right now, a luxury his elder siblings never had. Their adopted brother Jace just set up the 14th branch of his sportswear chain, much to the joy of their parents. At least one of their children isn't a full-on disappointment.

Izzy's oldest brother Alec was a brilliant lawyer, a rising star, set to inherit their parents' firm, especially after Izzy had told them she wasn't interested in being one of the people behind 'Lightwood & Lightwood'.

That was before Alec decided against marrying the heiress to a law firm, his parents had set eyes on to fuse with their own. It didn't matter that Alec is gay and that Lydia fell in love with another man. In his parents' eyes he failed the family and when Alec declined to marry _any_ woman, they cast him out.

Izzy knows that Alec just needs someone to give him a chance without caring about their good relations to the powerful Lightwoods. Someone who can look past two years of 'unusual' résumé. Her brother is a good attorney and still up to date. Ironically he found his last job while reading the newest law publications in the public library.

She pushes the thoughts of her brother away and smiles at her boss.

"I saw the light still on," Magnus scolds her without heat. "What are you doing here, Isabelle? It's way past your quitting time," he states, his forehead furrowed with deep lines.

"I know. Mrs Herondale called, demanding the draft of the defence plea for tomorrow, by 7.30 am."

Magnus sighs. "You should have come to me with that. She's not the one to give direct instructions to my employees."

Izzy blushes a little and hopes that her make-up is still good enough to cover it up.

"I have all the details, Magnus. It's just another hour and then I'm finished," she says a little flustered, hoping her mistake will be forgiven. She's still not used to being admonished for staying longer rather than leaving at all. Old habits die hard.

Magnus is having none of it though. "You're already two hours over your time, you won't stay a minute longer. Mrs Herondale will have to wait until 10 am to receive the draft. She won't need it before the afternoon anyway. I will inform her. Do you need a cab or something?"

Izzy shakes her head. "No, we have family dinner tonight and my parents live just a twenty-minute walk from here."

"Is that why you stayed longer?" Magnus asks with an amused smile playing on his lips.

Izzy laughs and shakes her head. "Not that I want to be there, but I promised my brother to come. Help him to calm the waves."

"Then hurry up. I was just leaving, too. If you want, I can drop you off."

The offer is rather tempting after a day on high heels and Izzy agrees.

Shortly after, Magnus pulls his BMW into the driveway of the Lightwood mansion.

"Impressive," he says matter-of-factly and Izzy sighs softly. 

She loved growing up in this house. But now it's only a monument to misuse of power and the spreading of fear to her.

Their town isn't small, but her parents' influence goes into every corner of their tight-knit community.

It's not a coincidence that she applied for a job at Magnus' firm. He was a blank page, an outsider who dared to be different in a region where a single word of a Lightwood could destroy your life.

Dot and Magnus magically managed to avoid a direct confrontation until now. Likely because their alternate concept of leadership had made waves in the media nationwide, and undermining them would fall back on the whole community.

"Thank you for giving me a ride, Magnus."

"Don't mention it," he says and follows her with his eyes until the front door swings open and a tall man about Izzy's age appears in the doorway. Even though his physique is the opposite of hers, the family resemblance is clear as day.

The man looks grumpy, maybe even angry. It's hard to say from the distance, but Izzy pulls him into a hug. Magnus takes a deep breath and diverts his eyes from the private scene.

He grabs his phone and dials Mrs Herondale's number to bring her the news. She's a well-paying client, but he won't let her use Isabelle as cannon fodder.

The young lawyer is diligent and set to work her way up, and he won't sacrifice her wellbeing. He knows from first-hand experience where that can lead to. He has a thick skin now, but it hasn't always been that way.

When he hangs up, he starts the engine. Today is movie night and he can't wait to finally see 'Aquaman'. In theme, Dot promised to make her famous sushi rolls. He can't wait to get home.

Entering his apartment he throws his keys into a bowl next to the door and kicks off his shoes. He unbuttons his waistcoat and unties his tie. After walking into the kitchen, he presses a kiss to Dot's cheek.

"You're late," she says, raising an eyebrow.

"I had to kick Isabelle out of the office, drove her to her parents', and reminded Mrs Herondale who she is meant to direct special requests to."

Dot sighs sharply. "That woman really likes to boss everyone around. Isabelle needs to learn to say no."

"We'll make sure of that," Magnus promises, stealing a maki roll from the chopping board.

"Hey," Dot protests half-heartedly, pointing the knife in her hand in Magnus' direction. "First shower, then dinner."

"Aye-aye, madam!" Magnus salutes.

He does as told and relaxes under the spray of hot water. Dot always takes just one look at him and knows exactly what he needs. Hell, she can determine his mood from the kind of drink he nurses. He himself never saw a pattern in his choices until she pointed it out.

Clad in leisurewear he finds Dot lounging on the sofa with Chairman Meow curled up in her lap. The movie is already loaded on the huge television screen.

Dot reaches for her phone to press the start button.

"Ready for Jason Momoa?" she asks smirking.

Magnus grins and snuggles up to her as she runs her hand through his wet hair. He sighs contentedly. "Always," he breathes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Hittiske who is my beta on this journey. You rock!
> 
> I love to hear what you think. Tell me in the comments.


	2. Chapter 2

"Don't give me the silent treatment, brother. I told you that I'm sorry," Izzy says, watching Alec grabbing the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turn white.

Alec grumbles something under his breath.

"Come on. Let's deal with this like adults," she pleads.

"Like adults?" he huffs. "Like adults who don't drop their siblings for work and throw them to the wolves the one time their parents invite all three of them?"

Alec knows that he isn't completely fair. He missed a lot of family dinners and dates with his sister when he still had a proper job, a private life, a future. But it's way easier to grab the anger and hold it tight to his chest than to think about how pathetic his life has become that he needs his little sister to protect him from their parents.

Izzy looks at him with teary eyes. His words hurt, but she knows that Alec isn't in a good place right now. So she lets it slide.

"Who did they want to force on you this time?" she asks instead. Alec always feels better when he can bitch about the things that hurt or confuse him.

"A woman named Lynn. Threefold divorcee with children _in college_. I mean, I know that I am dead weight, but seriously! That woman is nearly our parents' age. Why can't they just let me be?"

"Lynn Harper? Wow! I guess if you were looking for a sugar mummy, you would be fine with her. But that Mum and Dad seriously think you could be into her, unbelievable!"

"Well, as long as someone has a vagina and is cishet, I think they are more than happy to sell me out."

Alec worries his lower lip so much that Izzy fears he might taste blood soon.

"Alec, why are you doing this to yourself? You don't need to go there. You don't owe them anything! They took everything away from you and you still keep on running back to them, when they throw you a bone. They won't change, Alec. Not ever."

Alec looks defeated. "Maybe I should just marry Lynn or any of their other 'younger single friends'. Then they would let me at least work again."

Izzy wants to shake him back to sanity. "You could have had that with Lydia and you were pretty convincing when you announced the end of your engagement. You said you'd be lonely all your life."

"And now I'm not? No law firm wants to hire me, Iz. I am on the shitlist of every single attorney in this damn town. Nobody risks to stand up against our parents and you know it."

"Set up your own business then," she suggests.

Alec rolls his eyes. "That takes money, Izzy, and you know that there's nothing left. I can hardly do business on your dining table. I overstayed my welcome months ago anyway."

"No, Alec. Stop right there," she interrupts him. "I love living with you. You are the best roommate I ever had."

"Yeah, sure. Did you think that too, when I hit a hole into your wall?"

That happened a year ago and he still hasn't forgiven himself.

"Alec! That's in the past. You're doing so well. How long are you dry now?"

"11 months, three weeks, and two days," he mumbles. "But still, I work a shitty job, live in your guest room, and eat your food."

"And you volunteer at the soup kitchen, do most of the household chores, and help me with the taxes," she retorts.

"I only stuck with the soup kitchen after my hours of community service to have something to do with my life, as my therapist suggested."

"Yeah, that's why, hermano," she says with an overdramatic eye-roll. "Just talk yourself into believing it. You have a big heart, Alec, and you love to help other people, even when you're on the ground. You were always a carer, dear brother mine."

Alec shrugs his shoulders and pulls the car into Izzy's parking lot. All Lightwood siblings got their own apartments as gifts from their parents. The others were just smart enough to start their own lives _after_ they were lawfully the owners. Alec wasn't so lucky.

He loosens the knot on his tie. "I really do appreciate all the things you're doing for me, Izzy. I'm sorry that I always let out my frustration on you."

"I know, Alec." She brushes her knuckles softly over his cheek. "I know, and it's okay."

They walk up into the apartment in silence, change into comfortable clothes, and settle down on the couch.

"I think you're right. I won't go there anymore. Our parents' love is conditional and I will never fulfil their demands. So there's no use."

Izzy smiles at him. "Good. Better invest the time in something useful like dating," she smirks. "These double dates with Meliorn's friends are tiring."

Alec raises an eyebrow. "You want me to date so then you don't have to hang out with your boyfriend's theatre friends?"

"Noooo. I want you to date because you need a man in your life that makes you happy and takes you to shitty double dates with _his_ friends."

"Yeah, I don't think so. I'm not really the best gay dating material."

Izzy throws a cushion at him. "You are everybody's wet dream. Tall, dark, and handsome, a little broody maybe, but that just shows how smart you are," she grins wide.

"Sure. And then they ask what my job is and then the date is over."

"Only when they are douchebags. And you don't need to find the love of your life right away. When was the last time you even brought someone here?"

"Never."

"Exactly. Maybe you just need to get back on the horse."

"I don't want to get back on anybody. Not before I have my own four walls again. I can hear Meliorn and you, you know."

Izzy rolls her eyes. "That's why I got you the noise-cancelling headphones for Christmas."


	3. Chapter 3

Magnus wakes up and groans. When was the last time they fell asleep on the couch? He's definitely too old for this. He sits up and stretches his muscles, eliciting some cracks and other unholy noises from his body.

"Argh," sounds Dot beside him. "Why didn't we move to the bed?"

"Too blissed out by the beauty of one Jason Momoa, I guess," he chuckles and paddles over to the kitchen to make them coffee.

"Totally worth it," Dot groans, her throat raw from sleep. She grabs the first cup and takes a sip. It's a well-choreographed morning ritual now. Dot isn't herself before she gets her first caffeine dose of the day and Magnus wouldn't risk losing his eyesight over a simple mug of liquid ambrosia.

Saturdays are reserved for friends and Magnus loves to have his home full of the most important people in his life. He is thankful that he is important enough for them to indulge him with their presence, although he harbours the suspicion that they all are in need of it now, too, not just him.

There has been a time when he neglected his friendships, when he worked too much and starved himself on so many levels, it looks ridiculous in hindsight.

The little group of friends that gathers around his dining table is the closest to a family he ever had.

There is Dot, his cuddle and business partner, Raphael who he met on the other side of the world just to realise that he lived only a few miles outside his home town, and Cat, of course, his childhood friend that he met in foster care. They are a colourful bunch of people, but they paint the most beautiful art of friendship together.

The intercom rips Magnus mercilessly out of his tender thoughts.

Ragnor pulls him into a long hug. The grumpy cat - former mentor and eldest member of their circle - was eager and simultaneously reluctant to give Magnus what he needed, at first. But after all these months of practice, the awkward feeling of a 'too long' embrace has long faded away. They hold on to one another and it's giving and taking all at once.

After a round of hugs between the friends, they sit down around the table filled with an abundance of food. The champagne fizzes in their flutes and they raise a toast to a successful week.

Everyone shares the highs and lows of the past days. It's the best self-help group Magnus could have ever imagined, and it's built on love and trust.

His breakdown three years ago was a wake-up call not only for him. They were all workaholics. Cat was the first to slow down after Madzie started living with her. Ragnor followed when he realised that being over 50 comes with its perks, but also drawbacks. Raphael was on a sabbatical when he met Magnus, an inch away from his own burnout.

Dot was happy with her life, but she was lonely. Lonely enough to try to rekindle the flame that once burnt passionately between Magnus and her, but ran out of oxygen pretty fast.

It was in the middle of rebound sex after Magnus broke up with Camille, that they realised that intercourse wasn't what they were both really craving. They laughed and cried in each other's arms, but after that night they never talked about it again.

Without knowing, they both were touch starved, though Magnus had it worse. It already made an impact on his mental and physical health. He didn't care about himself anymore, couldn't sleep, forgot and sometimes withheld to eat. He was a hot mess, overworked, underslept, longing for contact, and avoiding it just the same.

When Cat's birthday party ended with him in the ER, collapsed from exhaustion, everyone realised that the radiant facade was just that and nothing more.

Cat sat him down gently and helped him sort through the chaos. Ragnor just pressed a more than generous travel voucher into his hand and sent him packing.

That's how Magnus met Raphael on a small island on the other side of the world, totally stoned and wise beyond his years. He showed Magnus how to relax - not only with pot - and shared his story that had started very similar to his own.

When Magnus came back home, Dot moved in with him for several weeks. They decide to do what felt right between them, and that was intimate, but totally non-sexual cuddling. 

Magnus recovered with his friends' help and forged out plans with their input. Things needed to change drastically on so many levels, and changing his life he did.

Dot helped him to close his old firm and became an equal partner of their new one. Together they created a healthier working place for themselves and their employees. No unnecessary overtime hours, enough vacation days, good health insurance, long-term employment. And no crawling to the bigwigs and bully the underlings.

It took them the better part of a year to implement all those changes and earn good money at the same time. But it was worth it and Magnus is proud of their achievements.

"You're looking good," Cat says while drying the dishes that Magnus washed up.

"Why thank you, Catarina. I'm feeling good, too," he replies with a smile. 

"You've been rather busy in the last few weeks, though. Madzie is missing you," she states matter-of-factly and Magnus recognises her you-work-too-much voice.

"Yes, that's true. We need to hire more people. The workload is too high. Unfortunately, not everybody sees the benefit of fixed working hours when the payment is lower than that of a 24/7 job."

Cat raises an eyebrow and shakes her head. "People are stupid."

Magnus chuckles. "Or they just prefer a bigger name on their résumé. I don't blame them. It's just so frustrating."

Catarina nods sympathetically. "But you're doing the right thing."

"I know. It's just that those who apply are either full of themselves and act as if they were doing us a favour, or have no kind of self-esteem whatsoever. A little middle ground would be preferable."

"Did you ask your employees to pitch people? I mean, when they already like working for you they might convince the right people to put in their application."

Magnus grins at her. "You have the best ideas," he says and presses a kiss to her cheek. "And that's why you are my best friend, my dearest Catarina." 

"Don't let the others hear that," she snickers.

Magnus snorts. "As if they didn't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Touch starvation is a real danger, especially in times of social distancing. We should always look out for each other, but let's take care of those who live alone.
> 
> There are safe ways to get our need for touch answered, like having a pet, touching ourselves sensually, having a cuddle buddy as Magnus has in Dot, and so forth.
> 
> Stay safe! 💜


	4. Chapter 4

Izzy worries her lower lip. This could be Alec's chance.

She rereads the e-mail about the firm looking for new lawyers and opens Alec's résumé on her laptop. They didn't change it in the last seven months.

She thinks about calling Alec. She doesn't want to hang his hopes too high, though, but doing this without asking him is risky, too. On the other hand, he allowed her to give his CV to anyone who might have a job for him. But that was a long time ago. Maybe he changed his mind.

She decides to take the middle road. She anonymises and updates the résumé, and knocks on Magnus' door. He calls her inside, a smile lighting up his face when he sees her.

"Hello, Isabelle. Did you have a nice weekend?"

"Yes, thank you, Magnus. I hope, you too," she smiles back.

He nods. 

"What can I do for you?" he asks and not for the first time Izzy thinks that her boss has the kindest eyes she has ever seen.

"I saw the e-mail about the vacancies and I wondered ... I have a CV from someone who might be interested in an application and I just wanted to make sure that they have a solid chance not to be kicked out of the application process before being interviewed."

She hands Magnus the paper and takes a seat as he motions her to do so. He studies the résumé intensively. His eyebrows rise further and further up the longer he's reading.

"That looks rather impressive, Isabelle. May I ask what happened two years ago? The résumé is pretty sketchy from there on."

Izzy swallows hard. "I don't think it's my place to tell you that. Let's say there were exterior reasons the person couldn't influence."

Magnus scrutinises her for a long stretched moment. He leans forward and props up his forearms on the desk, fixing his gaze on Izzy's eyes.

"I know that you are ambitious, Isabelle, and I see you as loyal to us and we trust your judgement. So, please, take this question in this context: Do you think this person has what it needs to work for us even though they currently work," he takes a short look at the CV, "in a local library?"

"Yes!" she blurts out. "This person is the best lawyer I ever worked with. I mean, as a team. They are smart, and quick-thinking, manage compromises nobody expects to achieve. They have a great effect on judges and juries alike. They just had ... bad luck. But they would love to work as a lawyer again and they truly deserve another chance."

Magnus nods. "Fix a date with my secretary as soon as possible and tell your friend to bring the full application. I'm looking forward to interviewing them myself."

He dismisses her and reads the résumé again. Who goes to Yale, serves an internship in some of the most prestigious law firms in the country, is on the payroll of the Lightwoods, and then suddenly works in jobs way below his educational and usual income level? What happened to them? An accident maybe or mental health issues?

A few years ago he may have dismissed such a person right away, but with his own experiences he's more than willing to give them a chance if they manage to impress, especially as Isabelle talks in high terms of them.

Not an hour later his calendar shows a new entry in the last empty slot of the afternoon. He is booked together with Dot for an interview. Name: Lightwood. It must be Izzy's friend then.

When the time has come he walks to the small conference room and finds Dot already talking to the applicant.

The man rises from his chair and turns around. Magnus recognises him immediately. It's the man from the porch.

The other man is taller than him. That doesn't happen very often. Magnus likes this about a man, especially one so ridiculously handsome as the one in front of him. If he met him at a club he would be set on bringing him home that night. Not that he would ever take wrapping over content, but the thought of having such eye candy around doesn't hurt, particularly knowing what the younger man brings to the table professional-wise.

"This is Alexander Lightwood," Dot introduces him, "and this is my partner Magnus Bane."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," Alec says and offers him his hand.

"The pleasure is on my side. May I call you Alexander? We are on a first-name basis with everyone here, from us to the janitor," Magnus explains. 

"Alec would be fine," the younger man says, giving him a winning smile.

"I suppose that you are related to Isabelle?" Magnus asks while taking his seat.

"Yes, she is my sister," Alec replies and tries to dry his suddenly sweaty palms without attracting attention. He's never been so nervous before and he counts it as a blessing that he only had mere hours to prepare for the interview.

"As I told your sister, your résumé is quite impressive. Dot, you seem to have his references?"

"Yes," she agrees and hands them over, "they are rather impressive, too."

Alec gives her a small smile and turns his gaze to Magnus who reads through the papers.

"That looks very good, Alec. Why don't you tell us why you want to work for us?"

Alec recites his well-prepared reasons and both listeners nod at the right places. Alec's stomach is in knots, but he reminds himself that Izzy loves to work for them and that he has absolutely nothing to lose.

But then - of course - the most dreaded question comes. "Can you explain your employments for the last two years?" Dot asks.

He steadies himself with a deep breath.

"As you can see, my last proper employment as a lawyer was at my parents' firm. I was the designated heir so to speak. But I had a dispute with my parents over a personal matter. I suppose you know the place they hold in our community. They made sure that no other law firm here would employ me. I worked several jobs since then, most of them not law-related, but I kept up to date in my studies."

A long, heavy silence falls between them.

"I am very sorry to hear about what happened to you, Alec," Magnus finally finds his voice again. "Still, even your last reference from 'Lightwood & Lightwood' is splendid. As it is in tune with the others, I suppose we can accept it at face value." Magnus clears his throat. "Do you have more questions, Dot?"

"Yes, actually one last. In the application form you ticked off 'yes' for a criminal record," she says and heat flames up in Alec's cheeks. He looks embarrassed.

"That wasn't my proudest moment," Alec confesses. "I couldn't find a public restroom so I urinated in a backyard. I got 50 hours of community service for that."

Magnus frowns. "That's a lot. You usually get out of it with a fine."

"Yes," Alec agrees, "but as I wasn't familiar with the area, I didn't realise that the wall belonged to a church building." They don't need to know that he was too wasted to see the stained-glass windows.

Magnus chuckles not unkindly. "I suppose you will never do this again?" he asks with amusement, raising a challenging eyebrow.

"No, sir, definitely not."

Magnus nods. "Thank you for coming, Alec. You will hear from us in the next few days."

They say their goodbyes and Alec walks over to Izzy's office.

Her eyes light up as soon as she sees him. "Aaaaaaand?"

Alec closes the door behind him and shrugs his shoulders. "I think it wasn't too bad. We'll see."

"How did they react to the gaps? Did you tell them about ...," she trails off.

"I didn't need to get into details about the last two years, apart from my offence. They didn't poke around."

"Oh, it would be so great if you got the job!" Izzy squeaks.

Alec exhales sharply. "Yeah." He doesn't dare to hope, though. He buried that feeling a long time ago.


	5. Chapter 5

Magnus taps his pen repeatedly on his desk. He can't get Alec out of his head. Such an obviously talented man and his parents kicked him out like garbage! Maybe it's triggering his own abandonment issues, but he can't wrap his head around it. How can parents do that to their own child?

Magnus met Maryse and Robert a few times in court and at work-related parties. If Magnus had to guess, he would say that Alec came out as gay and they didn't approve of his 'life choices'. But maybe that's just wishful thinking on his part.

He shakes his head. Nope, he can't go there with his thoughts. Yes, Alec is attractive and has this light complexion slash dark hair thing going on that Magnus is not so secretly a sucker for, but his interest in Alec is purely professional, of course.

He studies the résumé again.

Graduating from Yale just to work in a library, putting books back into the shelves? The mere thought makes Magnus sad and angry all at once. Life must have been hard for Alec in the last two years. Is the younger man even ready to go back to a normal lawyer's life?

Magnus wants to give him a chance. That's what a probation period is for after all. If it doesn't work out, he can let him go easily. He just hopes he doesn't have to.

Dot enters his office.

"Still brooding over that Lightwood son?"

Magnus exhales sharply and nods. "I can't believe that his parents destroyed his life just to punish him for whatever they disagreed on."

Dot nods and sits down on the couch. "I asked around a little," she says when Magnus walks over to her and lays down, his head pillowed on her lap.

"And what does the rumour mill say?"

"Astonishingly very little. He was engaged to Lydia Branwell, but they broke off the engagement, amicably as it seems. Shortly after he basically disappeared from the radar. Rumour has it that he has a bit of an alcohol problem, but I couldn't verify that. His social media is set on private. So, not much to see there."

Magnus moves the information in his mind.

If Alec does have a drinking problem, this could be an obstacle. But would Izzy recommend him if he weren't up to do the job? On the other hand, many addicts are highly functional, well, until they aren't. Maybe it's really just a rumour or it was true, but he's dry now.

Magnus groans. That kind of complicates the decision making.

"He is a good candidate, Magnus, no matter how we look at it," Dot says, intertwining their fingers. "When we ignore the last two years, he is all we could ever dream of. Did you see his case record?"

Magnus nods. "He would be an asset if he still got it in him," he agrees. 

"Let's invite him for a second round. Maybe over dinner?" Dot suggests.

Magnus squeezes her hand. "I see what you're doing there, my dear," he chuckles. "Let us invite Isabelle, too. He'll feel more comfortable that way."

* * *

Standing in front of the restaurant Izzy straightens Alec's tie for the umpteenth time. He pushes her hand away gently.

"Iz, you're making me nervous."

"Sorry, hermano. I just want everything to be perfect."

"I know." He smiles at her. "I'm optimistic for the first time in months. Please, stop fuzzing. I will be fine."

Izzy looks at him, her face barely masking her anxiety. All she wants is for Alec to get a chance, but now she worries that a dismissal might throw him back big time.

They enter the restaurant where Dot and Magnus are already seated at the table. 

The day before, Alec couldn't really take a good look at his may-be bosses. He was way too nervous about messing up, but today he can allow himself to look at the beautiful man in front of him, and his nervousness about getting into the second round of the interview process gives way to a totally different kind of tension.

They exchange pleasantries and Alec steals little glimpses over the menu.

He likes Magnus' look - classy and flamboyant at the same time. The make-up brings out the warm chocolate colour of his eyes and Alec needs to stop himself from staring at those plush lips. They look terribly kissable. He can't develop a crush on his future boss!

Magnus' voice rips him out of his thoughts when he orders a bottle of wine for them to share. Alec sticks to the table water. 

Dot and Magnus share an inconspicuous look. So, there might be truth in the rumour after all. Maybe it's just old news. If Alec managed to go and stay on the wagon, it just speaks of his willpower, Magnus decides.

At the end of their working lunch, Dot and Magnus offer him the job.

Alec is elated and still, he frowns.

"I am very thankful for this opportunity. But I hope that you don't mind me asking why you risk my parents' wrath."

Magnus chuckles without mirth. "I know what hardship looks like, Alec. No-one deserves to be punished for who they are."

Alec locks eyes with Magnus for a long moment. Does he know? How?

_Oh._

Suddenly the tie around Alec's neck is way too tight. He clears his throat and looks over to Dot. "I hope you won't regret it."

Magnus smiles at him. Somehow he can't see that happening.

"So, you're starting on Monday, 8.30 am," Dot explains. "You will work closely with Isabelle and Luke Garroway. The idea is that you learn our procedures and lighten the workload for both of them. If everything works out fine, you will get your own cases eventually."

She pushes the labour contract over the table. Alec studies it with intense concentration. Magnus admires his focused frown and needs to force his gaze away from him when Alec finally signs the document.

Magnus orders champagne to celebrate, but Alec asks for ginger ale. The soft pink that colours his cheeks at the request is endearing and again, Magnus can't pull his eyes off the beautiful man in front of him. 

After the Lightwoods leave, Dot grins at him, her eyes sparkling with mirth.

"You like him," she teases.

"Of course I like him. He is well-educated, well-mannered, ..."

"... and easy on the eyes," she continues. "I know that look, Magnus. There was a time when you looked at me like that," she chuckles.

"Oh, shut up!" Magnus hisses, but his tone only makes Dot laugh harder.

"Just don't get the firm into trouble. That's all I ask of you."

"He is an employee. I would never ...," he trails off.

"He's an adult and as long as there is mutual consent, it's not a biggy, Magnus."

Magnus feels himself nodding. Not that he would ever act on his infatuation. There are enough attractive people out there to warm his bed for a night.


	6. Chapter 6

"That calls for a celebration!" Jace exclaims, patting Alec forcefully on the back. The dark-haired brother nearly falls off the couch.

"Yes, with pizza and a Star Wars marathon," Alec chuckles.

"Come on, dude. Let's get you laid," the blond shouts, stretching out the last word.

Alec cocks an amused eyebrow. "You would go to a gay bar with me?"

"Sure, whatever it takes. I'm in," Jace smirks.

Alec laughs hard. "I guess you'd find someone before I could even reach the bar. The leathermen would have a field day with you."

Jace shrugs his shoulders. "Can't blame them for having good taste."

"Nah, but I can't have my baby brother being the one with a big hand on his ass. That's my department."

Jace gives him a bitch face. "I'm only 16 months younger than you, old man," he retorts.

"You know that this makes you an old man, too, dude?" Izzy chimes in.

Jace ignores her. "But seriously, Alec. Why not?"

Alec shrugs. "I'm not into one-night stands, that's all."

"You're not into relationships either, bro," Izzy assesses. "Are you even gay?"

Alec rolls his eyes. "Were you straight after Jason broke your heart and you didn't go out for eight months?" he asks.

"Sure ... Okay, I get it. It's just, you never try to get to know someone. I mean, if you were ace that would be totally cool. Just let us know."

"I'm not ace, but thanks for considering it. I just ... I wasn't in the mood to date in my current situation and now I want to focus on my job. I don't need drama in my life. I need to focus."

"Alec, that's just stupid. Look at me and Clary. You know what I was like before I met her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. She anchors me. I don't say you should go speed dating or something, just ... don't rule it out. Okay? Love pops up in the weirdest moments and places."

"Who made you the wise man of relationship advice?" Alec teases.

Jace scoffs. "I'm a believer now, so deal with it."

"He's right though," Izzy says. "If someone comes along who makes you feel special, go for it. It wasn't the right time or place for Meliorn and me either, but I am so happy that we gave it a try nonetheless."

* * *

Alec arrives 30 minutes early. Izzy has a day full of court hearings and he doesn't want to be late on his first day, just because he doesn't know his way around.

A woman named Helen shows him everything from the kitchen to the conference rooms. She introduces him to several colleagues and helps him to get settled in. It takes two hours until he is all set up with a work laptop, his corporate identification card, and all the other basics.

When he's finally alone at his desk, he takes a deep breath. The cubicle nearly feels claustrophobic. Normally they are occupied by typists and paralegals, but as Helen explained, they have no spare rooms right now. Not even a cubbyhole.

His old office overlooked the river. His wooden desk was ridiculously massive and his secretary always brought him bagels for lunch from the little deli he loved so much. Oh, how deep he has fallen.

He shakes himself out of the memories and opens the first file. It's just groundwork, but it already feels so much better than any job he held in the last two years. The differently coloured highlighters fly over the pages, his old system of carding through files kicking in as if he did so just yesterday. 

Time flies by and he is fully absorbed in his work when a deep chuckle startles him.

"I see you're already in workaholic mode," Magnus states. "Didn't your sister tell you that's not something we promote here?"

"The cases are just so interesting," Alec replies a little embarrassed. It's a white lie for sure, but he enjoys being engulfed in work again.

"That's wonderful, Alec. But you skipped lunch as I heard and even if you are of the intermittent fasting variety, you should take a break sometimes."

Alec blushes. The office grapevine seems to be very active. Is there a recess police he wasn't aware of?

"I'll take my break now then."

"That's a little late, Alec," Magnus says, amusement clear in his voice. "It's also past 6. You're going home now," he states in a voice that leaves no room for protest.

"A-alright. I just put this on Luke's desk. I heard he arrives earlier than the others."

"He does indeed," Magnus says with a smile, obviously pleased that Alec is already picking up on details. "Maybe you should set an alarm on your phone, at least every two hours. Walk a few steps, drink something, get to know your colleagues a little," Magnus recommends and Alec could swear that the other man was a millisecond away from giving him a wink. 

"Have a nice evening, Alec," he says instead and walks away.

Alec sinks into his chair and inhales deeply. Something about Magnus makes him forget how to breathe properly and it isn't just meeting-the-boss-nerves. He's not stupid. He knows attraction when he feels it.

The irony is not lost on him. When his siblings told him to allow himself to develop a crush on someone, they surely didn't mean his boss. This will be fun - not. But there's hope he may not see Magnus that often. He's just the newbie after all.

Alec grabs his bag and leaves the office when his phone starts to vibrate. It's Izzy.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm on my way. Forgot the time. Are you still uptown?"

"Yes. Could you pick up something from the Indian place?"

"Sure. Is everything alright, Iz?"

"Yeah. No. We just lost the custody case I told you about. I'll tell you about it later. How was your first day?"

"Good. Worked through lunch and past 6, so I got scolded by the boss himself. Great start."

Izzy chuckles. "So you got the set-your-timer talk?" Alec hums in confirmation. "I guess 99% of us got it, too, Alec, don't worry. They are all very devoted to everyone's wellbeing here. I told you, it's a totally different circus than anywhere we worked before. But it's a good thing. It teaches you a more healthy set of discipline."

"Yeah, I suppose it does."

They hang up and while Alec waits for their meals to be prepared he finally has the time to let the day sink into his bones.

He feels lighter now and he thinks that he hasn't smiled this much in one day for a very long time. Today was a good day and for once he believes there are many more to come.


	7. Chapter 7

"How are the recruits doing?" Magnus asks, blowing over the hot coffee that Dot just gave him.

The new lawyers started a fortnight ago and Dot is mostly responsible for them. Of course, Magnus talks with them over lunch or a coffee, but she's more in touch with them than he is.

It's better this way because every time Alec and he meet, he can watch the younger man transform from a seemingly carefree and confident person to a bubbling mess. Magnus managed to make him blush twice with nothing but a standard compliment. Alec's whole demeanour is endearing, of course, and Magnus always struggles against flashing him a knowing smile. That would be inappropriate.

On the other side, a nice word from those enticing lips or a lopsided smile directed at him is enough to turn Magnus' insides to goo. It doesn't bear contemplating what would happen if he saw Alec more than in passing. Magnus ran into a doorframe once when he caught a glimpse of him leaning over the water cooler. Thankfully, nobody saw it. That day Magnus decided he couldn't risk making a fool of himself and from then on avoided Alec as much as he could.

Dot clears her throat. "Andrew is really good. Lorenzo was right, not biased as we worried. Aline is doing well, too. I think both will fit in just fine. Alec gives me a bit of a headache, though."

Magnus raises an eyebrow in concern. "Why's that?"

Dot chuckles. "He's way too effective. He finished the prep for the cases we first assigned to him in two days."

"You're joking! They were meant to last for a week at a minimum. Are Izzy and Luke satisfied with the results?"

"Yes, they are. I mean, we need to take Izzy's word with a grain of salt, of course, but Luke took the same line, so did Maia and Lily when we gave him more preparatory work from them to fill his days."

Magnus pushes his chin forward in thought.

"He is definitely unchallenged, Magnus. We could keep him occupied as we do right now, but that would be a waste of his talent, wouldn't it?"

Magnus fiddles with his ear cuff. 

They both know what kind of cases Alec handled before, but he was out of the game for quite some time and went through a personal crisis that could affect his work in so many ways.

"I agree, but what can we give him? Small cases of his own?"

"That would be one option. Ooooor ... we assign him to one of the big ones, not the normal stuff, and have him under our own supervision."

Dot cocks an eyebrow and a smirk forms on her face. "The Mayer case?"

"No!" Magnus says with emphasis. "Don't even think about it!"

"Why not? Simon is on it, but now that he is pregnant, he prefers not to travel so much. And there will be a lot of that in the upcoming weeks. Also, you could have an eye on Alec, see if he is up to it or not."

Magnus sighs. Logically he knows that Dot is right.

"But Zeke could fill in, too," Magnus argues half-heartedly. 

"Alec has way more experience than him."

Magnus nods and sighs.

"Alright. But it's on you if we crash and burn."

Magnus gives her a stern look, daring her to reply something sassy. She just gives him a mischievous smile and leaves his office.

Shortly after, Alec knocks on his door, looking flustered. Magnus motions him to take a seat.

"Dot told me to come. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, quite the opposite, Alec," Magnus says and flashes him a smile. "We think we may have put you in the wrong place. We weren't sure if you were able to cope with a heavy workload, but you surprised us. We need to adjust the team on a major case due to a pregnancy, and we thought about you."

Alec's face lights up. "What kind of case is it?"

"A murder case. We think it was self-defence, but the DA sees it differently. There will be a lot of travelling involved. We need to collect evidence and witness statements. Are you up for that?"

"Of course, sir. It's not my first murder case."

"I know. The Hover case made quite some waves. You were the youngest attorney to ever defend a murderer in our state if I'm not mistaken."

"Yes. We lost though."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, Alec. He was guilty, without question. But you gave him the best defence he could have gotten. Our job is to hold up the justice system, no matter if our client is guilty or not."

Alec nods.

"My secretary will give you a copy of the file and the travel schedule. Please go through it. We'll meet tomorrow at 8 am to discuss everything."

"Yes, thank you, sir."

"It's Magnus," he reminds him.

"Yes, Magnus. May I ask who the lucky mother-to-be is?"

Magnus scrutinises him for a long moment. "It's a father-to-be and his name is Simon."

"Oh, okay. I didn't know that Simon is trans." Alec's face goes through several emotions and settles on delight. "That explains his sudden preference for tea."

Magnus chuckles in relief. "I still can't believe that he went cold turkey. The way he talks I always thought he basically runs on coffee."

Alec laughs with his whole body and it's the most beautiful thing Magnus was ever allowed to witness. He swallows hard and tries to divert his gaze from the enticing man to the file on his desk.

"See you tomorrow then, Alec," he manages and the younger man leaves, a little concerned that he did something wrong.

In the break room Alec runs into Simon.

"Congratulations, man. I didn't know you were trying."

Simon laughs. "Yeah, for quite some time. Isn't that easy with the hormones and stuff? But this one's a fighter. Makes me sick like hell, but it'll be so, so worth it."

"A friend of mine swore on Australian ginger chews when she was pregnant, I may still have some if you wanna try. I hope you feel better soon. Must be rough."

Simon gives him his trademark smirk.

"Yeah, but Dot gave me file work so I can sit in my office and puke to my heart's content," Simon jokes.

"Sounds awesome," Alec deadpans.

"If you have questions about the Mayer case, just drop by, dude. I'm not going far."

"Thank you. Umm, how is working with Magnus?"

"Great. He gives you latitude but is very meticulous, so double-check everything before you give it to him. Be honest if you don't understand something or make a mistake. He detests deceit, but is forgiving when you're sincere."

"Sounds good to me. I'm a bit surprised he asked me, to be honest. I thought he was avoiding me."

Simon frowns. "Why would he?"

Alec shrugs his shoulders. Yes, why would he?


	8. Chapter 8

Alec opens his briefcase on the conference room table and pushes the bag of ginger chews over to Simon who looks as if someone sucked out the life of him.

He gives Alec a thankful smile and puts one in his mouth. After a few seconds, his face gets some colour back and his eyes grow in surprise.

"Told you, dude. You can get them online."

Alec falls silent as Magnus and a paralegal join them.

"How are you, gentlemen?" Magnus asks.

Simon chews delightfully. "Better now," he says and gives Alec a wink.

The tall man chuckles. "Fine. I hope, you too, si..., Magnus."

Magnus moves his gaze between the two. Little pearls of jealousy fizz up in his stomach, but he pushes them away. Simon is happily married and Alec is 'so not taken' according to Izzy. And he is taboo anyway. He's an employee, for heaven's sake.

Magnus just nods and goes for a neutral smile. Guarding his facial expressions was a skill he mastered as a child. No way a good looking lawyer will make him lose his composure.

They start with the briefing. Alec asks dozens of questions and Simon fills in the gaps. Magnus seems to like Alec's approach and the perspectives he uses to get a better picture of the case. When Alec sees a particularly appreciative smile flash over Magnus' schooled features, his heart flutters.

For a moment he feels like his 16-year-old self when his then crush complimented him on his posture at the shooting range. That was before he shot off his arrow nowhere near the target, though. He won't make this mistake again.

_Focus, Lightwood._

The case is a lot to digest. Alec has seen some domestic violence evidence, but this is beyond anything he ever dealt with. The poor woman suffered for decades. No matter if she planned to murder her husband or not - Alec can't fight the thought that the man deserved his fate.

But Magnus was right the other day. It's not his place to judge if his client is guilty or not. It's his job to build the best defence - no more, no less.

They go through the travel plans and Alec is surprised that Magnus will come with him. Usually, the boss only joins for the important stuff, not the footwork so to speak. But Magnus handles many things differently, so Alec pushes his suspicions of being under scrutiny away. Maybe he is just meant to take notes and stuff. It's unlikely that he will do anything substantial when the boss is around.

They leave after lunch. Their first destination is a town five hours drive away. Magnus motions him into his car. Alec wonders if he'll get to drive it one of those days. He wouldn't decline if Magnus offered. Izzy's old Volvo isn't really a delight to manoeuvre.

They start the journey in a somewhat awkward silence. Eventually, Magnus starts humming to the music from the radio and Alec pulls out the growing file to work through it again.

He sees Magnus' amused smile out of the corner of his eye, but he decides to ignore it. This is paid working time after all. He wouldn't know what to say anyway.

After a while, Magnus parks the car at a roadhouse. Alec gets out and stretches his legs. He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath.

Why is he so socially awkward? He's not great when it comes to small talk in general, but the mere thought of talking with Magnus in a non-professional context freaks him out big time. What is it about this man that throws him off?

His boss is mostly short-spoken around him but seems to enjoy chatting with basically anyone else, like the lady behind the counter right now. Alec can see them through the window and Magnus looks nearly flirtatious. So it must be him. He doesn't like him, or doesn't trust him, or he reminds him of an ex, if he is even into guys. Make-up doesn't make you gay after all and he has seen the little touches he and Dot share. Maybe Alec's gaydar is just off.

Back on the road they recommence their silent journey until they lose the radio signal.

Magnus clears his throat. "It was rather selfish of me to not ask what music you prefer. Is there anything you'd like to listen to, Alec?"

Alec's mind goes blank. "Umm ... I dunno." He shrugs his shoulders.

Magnus sighs softly. "Do you have any music on your phone?" Alec nods. "Then connect it and play the last album or playlist you listened to."

Alec blushes. Izzy always makes fun of his taste in music and when he opens Spotify, he contemplates choosing something else that is more popular.

_Ah, fuck it._

Even if his boss doesn't like him, he at least can listen to a few minutes of choral music. If he hates it, he can say so. [Alec presses 'play'.](https://open.spotify.com/album/1biLW8iS0oDiqFWRBG8gTQ?si=Y9_gOLg7RmenyOgFp8r4OA)

A soloistic male voice starts, then the choir fills the background. Magnus' countenance is focused, but neutral. When the drum sets in and the song gathers momentum, the corners of his mouth start twitching upwards.

"What language is that?" Magnus asks.

"Irish," Alec says and decides to fully own his geeky side. "The text sounds like a sad love song, but it is really about Ireland, lamenting the exile of Bonnie Prince Charlie."

Magnus listens to the song carefully.

"Is the whole album just voices and drums?"

"No, but the arrangements are rather different from common choral music, cello, harp, and traditional instruments, too. I stumbled over this choir on YouTube when I had an obsession with Gaelic music a few years ago."

"Does your family have Irish ancestry?"

"None that I would know of."

They fall silent again and listen to the cello intro of the next song.

A small smile grows on Magnus' lips when the choir joins, and it becomes wide when the soloist starts singing.

"The choir's dynamics are magnificent. Oh, I miss singing. I was a choir boy as a child. We sang Händel, Bach, Mendelssohn Bartholdy, and such. I loved it."

This is interesting. Maybe the two share more than Alec thought.

"Why did you stop?"

"I left foster care and there was just no time between studies and work."

Alec nods. He never had to work while he studied at the university, privileged as he was. Magnus' achievements are even more impressive in light of his upbringing.

"What made you choose law?" Alec asks curiously.

Magnus' face turns into a mask. Of course, Alec ran into the first sandtrap. He should have stuck with the music.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry," he says.

Magnus accepts his apology with a nod. He likes that Alec picked up on his vulnerability and is respectful about it. Most people just poke around further or shower him with pity. That's not what he wants and Alec seems to get it, seems to get him. A pleased feeling flows through his chest.

"What made _you_ choose law, Alec?"

Most people just assume that Alec did it because his parents wanted him to. But that's just part of the truth.

"When I was a child I liked courtroom dramas like 'Perry Mason' or 'Matlock'. I fell in love with the idea to have a job where you can actually help people get justice."

"Did you ever regret it?" Magnus inquires.

"No. I mean, a criminal defence attorney's work isn't as glamorous as television makes you believe, but I don't mind sticking my nose into paperwork. I actually enjoy it just as much as the hands-on parts like preparing witnesses and presenting in front of the court. For me, it's well balanced out."

Magnus nods in agreement.

"I had first-hand experience with the justice system before I read for the bar, and my reasons were more personal than yours," Magnus says and the struggle to share more or not is visible on his face.

The silence wins and when the album comes to an end, Alec pulls up his [favourite choir playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX9WxEZbyU6MA?si=pqfb8hE6RESwEYEXKeHybA).

An aerial feeling settles over them and Alec turns back to the file. Then darkness falls and he puts his work away.

Magnus gives him a gentle smile and they keep on listening to the music for the rest of their journey.

When Magnus finally pulls into the hotel's parking lot, both men stay seated until the playing song is finished.

"Can you send me the link, please? The album and the playlist - I'd like to download them. It's been a long time since music touched me like that," Magnus says quietly and Alec just nods.

The streetlamp throws its orange light on Magnus' face and his features turn into soft shadows. He is beautiful like this. Alec can't pull his gaze off him and the only thing that doesn't make the situation awkward is that Magnus is staring right back at him.

Alec's lips twitch into a lopsided smile and he feels his cheeks heating up. He can't remember when he last looked at someone like this, neither can Magnus.

Alec looks like one of Michelangelo's sculptures to him, nearly otherworldly, and Magnus' mouth is suddenly dry. He runs his tongue over his lips, Alec's eyes clearly following the movement.

"Oh, uh ... We should really ... You know probably get ...," Alec stammers.

"Right, we should check in," Magnus says and pulls his gaze away from him.

The spell is broken.


	9. Chapter 9

There are two things every colleague learns about Magnus when they are working away from home together: one - he prefers room service after a long trip, and two - he is the worst morning grouch imaginable, well after Dot.

Alec isn't exactly sad that he must eat dinner alone. The loaded atmosphere between them didn't leave while they waited for their keys. Another hour of that and he probably would have done something stupid, like kissing his boss.

It is hard enough to fall asleep without thinking about Magnus. Not that he manages that, no. But at least he can direct it to annoyance instead of improper thoughts. The thing is, Magnus took the file from his hands before they parted, a knowing smirk on his face.

"No more work today, Alec," he ordered and went to his room, abandoning the confused man to his own devices.

As soon as the door closes, though, Magnus' well-kept facade crumbles. He leans his forehead against the door. It was such a stupid idea to take Alec on this trip. 

He knows, he is attracted to him. In another world he would flirt with him, would tell him how beautiful, and smart, and sexy he is. He would dance the night away with him or take him to an oratorio. But he can't, ever, and it hurts more than it should.

_Damn it._

He has known the guy for two weeks now, barely spoke with him, and still, the younger man already manages to occupy most of his private thoughts. Working so closely together won't help, but Magnus is an adult and a professional. He can do this.

He decides to take a shower. He already misses Dot and her casual touches. Strange how he could once go for months without anything more than a few handshakes. Well, he did, but he felt miserable.

He always had been a hugger. Cat and he often got into trouble when their foster parents found them together in bed, intertwined like two octopuses. There was never anything sexual about it, but their prudish hosts always made them feel bad about giving in to those needs.

Leaving the foster system behind, Magnus went through a phase of promiscuity during college and uni. He was searching for love and closeness, but all he found was sex. He picked up Dot at that time. At least she stayed for the long run, even if only as a good friend.

After graduating, he was pulled into an undertow of overwork in a faceless law firm. He spent weeks, even months without real human contact, much less touch. He hardly saw his friends.

That was when Camille entered his life. He thought of her as his one true love, the one to grow old with. But she was a manipulative, malicious person. She used intimacy as leverage, sex and affection as a reward for him following whatever she wanted him to do, or as a punishment when he didn't.

It was subtle at first, but it destroyed him, day by day. Still, it took him finding her with another man in bed to have the strength to finally leave her.

At that point he was merely a shadow of himself. Shame and exhaustion are a demonic mixture and he fell more and more into the darkness.

Depression was the diagnosis and he swallowed the antidepressants religiously, changing the types without any success. He felt worse with every passing day. He couldn't afford to make time for psychotherapy, or so he thought.

On top of that he started his own firm and it went impossibly lower from there. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat. He kept a distance from his employees, fearing repercussions if he should overstep any boundaries. He had no time for his friends unless they didn't leave room for any argument. This went on for years.

When he arrived at Cat's birthday party on that fateful day, her hug was the first touch in months and he collapsed right there in her arms.

It was Raphael who told him about touch-starvation, sitting with their bare feet in the warm sand, somewhere on an island far, far away.

Magnus thought the man was joking when he suggested cuddling. He didn't really seem like a teddy bear with his permanent scowl that even the pot couldn't wash off his face. But when he pulled Magnus into his side and ran his free hand up and down over his bare arm, it ended in sobs and ugly tears. It was strangely liberating.

Yes, maybe Magnus went a little overboard afterwards, getting a cat, making his friends holding embraces for longer than usual, establishing his cuddle sessions with Dot and karate training with Raphael, booking regular massages, and planning hookups on a calendar. But he felt as good as he hadn't for a very long time and everything settled in a routine that no-one wanted to break.

And now, he is standing under the warm spray of water, running his soft brush over his body, enjoying the sensation on his skin, desperately trying not to think of those eyes that looked at him with warmth and awe in the parking lot.

Tomorrow is going to be a very long day.

* * *

The next morning Alec wonders if his boss got any sleep when he sees Magnus making a beeline to the coffee maker.

Alec is pretty sure the colour on his face is purely artificial. He admires his boss' talent with a make-up brush. Magnus looks good, only his tired eyes betray him.

"Mornin'," Magnus mumbles when he sinks into the chair opposite of Alec. 

"Good morning," Alec answers with a small smile. He's been up for two hours already and had his morning run.

He suppresses a chuckle. Magnus looks awfully cute in this grumpy state. Alec wonders how he might look asleep in the early morning light. But he pushes the image away. He'll never find out.

They have breakfast in silence. It's comfortable this time and after his third cup of coffee, Magnus seems to be part of the living again.

They go through the day's schedule and Alec is surprised that Magnus wants him to take the lead.

They interview several people who can vouch for their client's background story of abuse and neglect. They will have to make up for all the missing police reports - those that were never taken just as much as those that mysteriously never found their way into the archive.

It's a small town and it's rather frustrating to see that wealth won over justice again and again. But some people dare to talk about it now. Maybe because the hearing is happening far away.

In the evening Alec still sits at the little desk in his hotel room, typing the witness statements into his laptop. He knows it's not his job, but he can memorise things better when he can see them in front of him.

There's a knock at the door and when he opens it, he needs to take a deep breath, because that's far from what he expected to see on the other side.

There stands Magnus. He lost his suit and wears jeans with only a partly buttoned-up shirt. Several necklaces lie on his bare chest and Alec does his best to not ogle him. He thinks, he's failing.

Magnus cocks an amused eyebrow.

"What did I teach you about quitting time?" he asks and a shiver runs down Alec's spine. He never heard Magnus talk like that, authoritative and teasing at the same time.

Magnus sees the slight trembling and enjoys it a little too much. _The things he could do to him._

Before he can voice any of his lewd thoughts, he clears his throat and asks Alec if he wants to join him for dinner.

Alec agrees with a shy smile and a beautiful blush that adorns his cheeks.


	10. Chapter 10

Alec fiddles with the napkin. When Magnus asked him to join him for dinner he didn't think they would end up in a romantic Italian restaurant. Okay, maybe it isn't romantic _per se_ , but the soft lighting, the tablecloth, the candle, the flowers, the music - it all _feels_ romantic.

Alec scolds himself inwardly. He hasn't been on a date for years and at that time going to the movies and hitting a burger joint afterwards was the best you got. And this isn't a date anyway. It's just he and his ridiculously beautiful boss who - for a change - doesn't try to avoid him.

Magnus orders a bottle of wine, not bothering to ask if he wants to share. Alec wriggles about on his chair. Is he expected to drink? Is Magnus a regular drinker and a bottle is his usual? Or is it just this day he wants to drink away?

When the waiter brings the bottle and two glasses, Magnus' eyes tighten for a moment and he frowns. Alec is pretty sure that the man blushes underneath the make-up.

Magnus clears his throat. "Sorry, I'm used to sharing my wine, but you don't drink, right? Or just not at lunchtime?"

Alec takes a deep breath. "No, I don't drink in general."

Magnus nods.

"I will have to ask for the cork then. Tomorrow is a full day. Not a good idea to drink all this in one go."

Alec lets out the breath he was holding and chuckles a little. He is still nervous, but with that topic off the table it might get better from here on.

"So, while we are waiting for our dinner - tell me a little about yourself," Magnus asks.

That's a nice way to question him, not too intrusive. Alec likes that about Magnus. His boss always treads lightly.

"Umm, there is not much to say. I went to Yale, worked for my parents, and lost my job. Then I got a really good offer and I hope I will survive the probation," he laughs a little shakily.

Magnus smiles softly. "I gathered that. You don't have to, but I hoped that you might share something more personal with me."

"Like what?" Alec asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

"I don't know. Your hobbies, your favourite books, things like that."

Alec makes a face. "I fear that I am rather boring."

"There are a lot of adjectives that come to mind when I think about you, Alec, boring isn't one of them."

Alec's cheeks turn pink. Is Magnus flirting with him or does he say such things to everyone?

"Umm ... thanks," Alec frowns. "Let's see." He takes a sip of his lemonade. "My favourite play is 'A Midsummer Night's Dream', my favourite opera is 'L’elisir d’amore' and my favourite book since childhood is 'The Lord of the rings'. I read it at least once a year since I was twelve. I'm generally more the stay at home with a good book kind of guy. I guess that's why I'm still single."

Why the hell did he say that? He takes another sip, hoping to cover up the awkwardness. 

"Do you go to the theatre or concerts?" Magnus inquires.

"I often went with my mother. We have similar taste and my father never liked the arts. When I started in my parents' firm I had no time due to my workload, and then I had time, but no money. I sometimes go to the open rehearsals of the City Theater, though."

"I've seen 'Porgy and Bess' there," Magnus says, "It was really good. I didn't know you could watch the rehearsals."

"Yes, it's quite nice. Obviously not as good as the real deal, but it is fun and free. I like that they show music theatre and ballet, too."

"You like ballet?" Magnus asks and Alec can't detect amusement in his voice as he expected. Maybe he just shouldn't expect anything when it comes to Magnus. He is way different from anyone he knows.

"Yes. I think it's fascinating. The dancers are real athletes and the movements are just beautiful. I don't know if I could sit through a whole show, though. I do not get all the symbolic hand gestures and such."

Magnus smiles at that. "When I lived in New York I had a season ticket for the New York City Ballet. In the end, I hardly made it there."

Alec's mouth falls agape. "You lived in New York?"

"Yes, in Brooklyn."

"Wow, why did you leave?"

Magnus shrugs. "I missed home, the quiet life of the countryside. I grew up in this area in multiple foster families, I studied locally, all my friends were here. About three years ago my life reached a turning point and I decided to start fresh. It was just logical to return to where someone was waiting for me."

Alec nods in understanding. "That must have been a difficult decision," he guesses.

"No, not really," Magnus says and focuses on the swirling wine in his glass.

They sit in thoughtful silence for a while. There is a heaviness in Magnus' eyes, Alec hasn't seen before and he wonders what happened to Magnus to uproot himself and start new when he seems to have been rather successful back in New York.

"Why didn't you move somewhere else when your parents threw you out?" Magnus interrupts his train of thought.

Alec chuckles darkly. "I guess for the same reasons you returned. This is my home town. I know it wasn't the logical thing to do, but right after it happened, I just didn't have the energy to leave, to start over. And everyone I could still count on lived here."

He sighs. "I lost myself a little after I couldn't even get a single interview and it took ... time to get on my feet again. I was lucky to have Izzy and Jace. Without them, I would have been homeless."

Alec doesn't know why he is so open about this in front of his boss. Maybe it's Magnus' sympathetic look or the way his whole focus is on him, as if he were the most interesting person in the world.

"But eventually I got better, applied for a vast number of jobs in other cities all over the state," he continues, "I never told Izzy because it would have broken her heart to hear about one rejection after another."

He clears his throat. "It was already too late. One year of unemployment was enough to throw most of them off. I got some unpaid internship offers, but I couldn't afford to accept them, neither living there nor the commute. So ..." He shrugs his shoulders. 

"That must have been hard. How did you cope?"

"Well," Alec chuckles without mirth, "I didn't. I just settled for plan B - swallowing my pride, taking any job that would have me, and trying to get in my parents' good books again. It's pathetic, I know."

"There's nothing pathetic about you, Alec."

Alec presses his lips to a tight line. "Magnus, with all due respect - I don't think you can understand what the last two years of my life looked like."

"You're right, Alec, I can't. And still, there is no shame in needing help from others or wanting to have a proper life. I know what I'm talking about, believe me."

"You mean your childhood?"

"No, I'm talking about myself just three years ago. I had a full-blown burnout. I barely functioned anymore. There were just work and the never-ending feeling of failing. I existed, but I didn't live anymore. I was empty."

"And your friends helped you?" Alec can't fathom that his confident and competent boss could ever get in such a situation. 

"They saved me. I'm not sure if I would be still here without them." Magnus' eyes are fixed on the ring he is turning around his finger. "It took me months to get back on my feet and I still struggle sometimes."

Alec's eyes grow wide in surprise. "You do?"

"Yes. There are times when I work too much. That's why we hired you and the other two, to lighten the workload for everyone so I can shift some of mine."

"And still, you travelled here, instead of just sending me. Why?"

Magnus looks at him for a long moment. His eyes glaze over.

"I am personally attached to this case," he finally says.

"You knew the client before?"

"No, but I knew someone who went through something similar."

"They killed their partner, too?"

"No," Magnus says and swallows the lump of emotions in his throat, "he killed her before she could save herself."

"Oh, fuck!" slips out of Alec's mouth.

"Oh, fuck, indeed."


	11. Chapter 11

That night, Alec doesn't get a lot of sleep. Too many snippets of their conversation are floating through his mind.

Slowly, but surely the image of Magnus and his glittery, steadfast facade is crumbling. Behind it, Alec discovers a multidimensional person, someone who suffered and was rescued, someone who was broken and decided to make the world a better place because of it.

He thinks of all the little puzzle pieces Magnus offered him and his heart aches for the other man. He can see where all the clues are pointing to, but he doesn't want to think it through.

He groans into his pillow.

What was he even thinking, sharing so much of himself? He promised to keep his private thoughts to himself a long time ago. He didn't share anything substantial with anybody in the last two years. 

One day Izzy and Jace confronted him about it and then offered to pay for therapy. Although offering sounds too nice. They gave him an ultimatum. His shame was too big to share his inner struggle with his siblings, but he didn't want to break their hearts even more, so he accepted going to the shrink. 

The man didn't count in Alec's book as he was bound to medical confidentiality. He wouldn't talk to anybody else, though. That would have been way too dangerous. Vulnerability was never Alec's forte, but on his lowest point, it wasn't an option at all.

He couldn't break down in front of Izzy and Jace. He couldn't let out his anger and fear, let them see how he really was - hopeless and broken.

He drank secretly, hid the evidence well, managed to put on a smile whenever needed. The one day it all came crashing down is only a blurred memory. But he remembers Izzy's tears and Jace's unending hug, as if he would lose him, if he would ever let him go.

Perhaps it wasn't wise to make his boss the exception to the 'no sharing rule', but Alec feels so much lighter now. Maybe because he doesn't need to hide anymore. It's all out in the open. Well nearly everything, but Alec figures that Magnus has his suspicions about why he doesn't drink, anyway.

Earlier, Alec wanted to slap himself for being so open in front of the man who literally holds his future in his hand. But then he realised that Magnus made himself vulnerable, too.

Izzy could never find out where Dot's and Magnus' motivation came from, neither did their colleagues. Alec might be the first person Magnus ever told about this and the realisation makes his heart flutter. _Magnus trusts him._

Maybe Magnus wasn't avoiding him because he didn't like him. Maybe he did because he liked him too much.

Alec pushes the thought away. That's silly, really. A man like Magnus, with his status, his money, his good look, his eloquence - what could he want from someone like him? 

He's a has-been, someone who couldn't even pack a suitcase and grab his luck by the scruff of its neck, but instead drowned his problems in alcohol and messed up his life even more. A loser, living in his sister's guestroom, holding her back from the life she is supposed to live.

It's not the first time he beats himself up over this. He knows that Meliorn asked her to move in together. If Alec can keep the job, he will finally be able to find his own place, and Izzy will be free again.

His probation period is already halfway over. He was surprised to see that it was only one month, but it fits the firm's philosophy. The employees are meant to feel secure. There is hope that he didn't blow his chances today with his stupid story and awkwardness. 

His cheeks warm up thinking about his mishap at the end of the dinner. He ordered a dessert for himself and the waitress brought it with two spoons and placed it in the middle of the table.

Magnus chuckled in amusement and Alec stuttered through an unnecessary explanation that they weren't on a date. Magnus tortured him by saying, "That's a pity. I thought we were doing so well," and then he winked at him. 

What the hell!?

Alec's insides weren't sure if they should flutter in excitement or sink into the pit of his stomach.

If Alec knew that the adorable shock-confused look on his face and the pink colouring of his cheeks made butterflies storm through Magnus' chest, maybe he could fall asleep. But all he can think of is that maybe he embarrassed his boss and that Magnus probably knows now how smitten he is with him.

If Magnus really knew about that, he might not lie in his own bed, racking his brain thinking about the likelihood of Alec a) being interested in him at all and b) being open to an office romance with _his boss_.

Because one thing is clear: Alec wouldn't just be a hookup. No. He is special. He somehow managed to tear down the walls Magnus built around his heart, seemingly without effort or even intent.

Alec just walked into his life with his handsome, charming, sometimes stuttering self, smart, destroyed by fire, and risen like a phoenix. Magnus can't understand why the younger man can't see what he managed to achieve against all odds.

He survived the last two years. Magnus may not know the concrete circumstances, but he is pretty convinced that Alec was depressed, may have gone through an addiction, and overcame it, only to suffer defeat after defeat. What strength must it take to stay on the wagon when life puts a spoke in your wheel again, and again, and again, especially after living a rather sheltered and carefree life before?

And still, Alec is such a kind soul. He cares for others. He may downplay his social commitment, but Izzy still brought it to Magnus' attention. She told him about his pro bono work for a nationwide queer organisation and his dedication to the local soup kitchen.

Maybe all this knowledge in addition to Alec's empathy are cracking Magnus open without proper resistance.

There are exactly five people who know Magnus' well-guarded life story and he nearly spilt it today. He just held back because he didn't want to destroy the fragile moment they had, with Alec's eyes fixed on his own, the warmth and sympathy that shone out of them. It was like an unspoken promise of something none of them knew how to label. But there was definitely _something_.

Looking in Alec's eyes, Magnus wanted to do silly things, like dumping his whole self on him, kissing him breathless, and throw all his fears, all his commitment to an uncommitted sex life to the wind, and ask him to stay forever.

_Oh, God! He's so screwed._

Now he needs to stop thinking about Alec next to him, holding him tight. This will never happen. His employee isn't there to be used for a cheesy fantasy, much less a sexual one.

Magnus rolls on his back and sighs. He eyes the half-full wine bottle on the table. Today he needs a nightcap. Sue him!

The only problem with this is that the wine lowers his inhibition even more and he falls asleep with a pillow in his arms and illusions of plush, pink lips on his own.


	12. Chapter 12

The next days fly by. More interviews, more hours sharing their favourite music while driving, more conversations over the dinner table.

Magnus tells him about childhood shenanigans with Cat, how he met Dot (well, a sanitised version), how Ragnor motivated him when he wanted to jack it all in shortly before his graduation, and about Raphael who left his old investment banking past behind and now works as a tai chi instructor and lifestyle coach, with Magnus being his very first client.

When Magnus talks about his daily fitness routine Alec most definitely doesn't picture him bare-chested and covered in sweat. Alec would never do such a thing. Well, maybe he does.

Alec tells him stories of his childhood holidays on his grandparents' country estate, how he and his siblings were unsupervised there every summer, the only time he was truly free. He tells him about his baby brother for whom he was probably more a father figure than their real dad.

He doesn't tell him how much he misses him, though. They dance around certain topics like partners, future dreams, and the hurtful parts of their past. It's so obvious for both of them what they are doing, but no-one puts into words what is slowly growing between them.

All in all they manage to distract each other from the heavy topics that lace the working part of their days.

More than once Alec catches Magnus drifting away through an interview, his eyes glazing over more in memory than in direct reaction to what is said. Maybe that's why Magnus wanted to bring him along. He knew that he wouldn't always be able to stay in the present.

Then the last morning of their business trip arrives. Alec is sitting in the breakfast room and waves over to Magnus, gesturing to the two cups of coffee in front of him. Magnus gives him a thankful, tired smile. They skip the greetings, just nod and hold on tight to their mugs. By now Alec knows that Magnus isn't a morning person and it's better to wait until he starts speaking.

It shouldn't feel domestic. They are sitting in the middle of a busy room with strangers talking and cutlery clattering on crockery around them, and still. It is nearly homely, familiar in the best possible way. They share small smiles, raised eyebrows, and soft chuckles. They are in sync as neither were with anyone before.

Magnus studies Alec's face, the sharp line of his jaw, the curve of his lips, the split in his eyebrow. He is the most beautiful person Magnus ever laid eyes on.

Alec catches him staring and a corner of his lips turns upwards in a lopsided smile that hits Magnus like a blow. He's not sure if it is good or bad. He needs to look away.

Alec is pretty confident that Magnus shares his crush on him. It's unlikely that his boss will act on it, though. Magnus is too considerate. Still, Alec enjoys the attention. It's been a long time since someone looked at him like that. It feels good.

Magnus clears his throat. "So, today's schedule. We'll have one last interview and then it's time to go home. The journey will take about four hours. I'm pretty knackered, would you mind driving?"

"No problem," Alec replies, a little confused about the sudden shift in atmosphere.

Alec frowns. As great as it was to get to know Magnus on a personal level, the lines of what employer and employee are meant to share with one another are blurry now at best. Good that they won't spend so much time together when they are back. It will do both of them good.

They leave town around noon. Magnus' car is a dream to drive, but having the other man riding shotgun is at least the same level of nice.

Magnus sits there, totally relaxed, his features soft and yet so masculine that it's hard for Alec to keep his eyes on the road. As if watching him over dinner for days wasn't enough. Alec rolls his eyes. He's really pathetic.

"It's your turn now," Alec says to divert his own thoughts and he nearly giggles when Magnus squints in confusion. "Play the last album or playlist you listened to. No cheating."

That was cheeky, but he was honest, too, the first day of their trip, and he would love to know what Magnus listened to after they went back to the hotel last night.

Magnus chuckles nervously when he looks at the screen of his phone. Why? When Alec sees the playlist's title on the display, he understands, though.

_[Sexy music](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7F77gEvC2PVOQkHUxsEKW4?si=wEtpBS1mRBaQwcJ3UjR9UA)._

Alec raises an amused eyebrow but chuckles when Nina Simone's voice fills the car. He always prefered her version over Michael Bublé's, but how this song landed on a list with this name is an enigma to him. Is this about sensuality? And why the hell did Magnus listen to it last night?

_It's a new dawn  
It's a new day  
It's a new life  
For me  
And I'm feeling good_

Alec tries not to read too much into it. It's a classic after all.

The next song isn't any clearer, though. What makes this song sexy? _Daddy issues._ It sounds rather like an AA meeting or at least a very unhealthy relationship. The sound is sensual again, though. Perhaps Alec is on the right track.

Alec's confusion only grows during a remix of _Crazy in love_. It's heavy and anything but sexy in his opinion. The frown on his forehead grows deeper.

_How many secrets can you keep?  
'Cause there's this tune I found  
That makes me think of you somehow an' I play it on repeat  
Until I fall asleep, spillin' drinks on my settee_

Okay, the 'Arctic Monkeys' seem to be onto something if Alec wants to read anything into it. Does he want to? He suppresses a groan and steals a glimpse of Magnus whose eyes are closed.

 _It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of tryin' to kiss you_.

That's way too close for Alec's liking. He averts his gaze back to the road and wriggles about on the leather seat.

Then the next song starts and Magnus' eyes shoot open. He fishes frantically for his phone and struggles to stop the song as fast as he can.

"I guess that wasn't appropriate for a trip with your employee," Magnus says and Alec swallows a chuckle. Poor Magnus looks mortified.

"Yeah," Alec simply says. _All the time_ sure isn't safe for work. "So, that's the music you like when you don't listen to Händel?" Alec's voice is soft without a hint of teasing. He wants to lighten the mood.

Magnus chuckles sheepishly. "No, I just wanted to listen to Nina Simone and it was the first song on the playlist. I never made it further than that, because Cat called me. I didn't know the other songs on the playlist."

Alec's laughter explodes, deep and full belly. After a moment Magnus joins him.

"I should have just streamed the album instead."

"Yeah, that would have been better," Alec says, still laughing. "I don't get why this list is called 'sexy' anyway."

Magnus bites back the words to explain the circumstances in which this music might be totally sexy. Nope, he clearly doesn't picture Alec in his golden sheets right now.

Magnus turns his face to the right and looks out of the window. He doesn't understand himself anymore. He felt attraction a million times before, and never had a problem with pushing it aside when it wasn't reciprocated or simply inappropriate. But something about Alec turns him into a pining mess.

"What do you want to listen to instead?" Alec asks.

Magnus, thankful for the distraction, scrolls through the app. He grins when he sees the cover of one of his favourite albums.

"Oh, I have something different. Don't look at the title. Let's see if you recognise this, huge choir fan that you are. It's a classic. No cheating!" Magnus says and taps on the [last song](https://open.spotify.com/track/7nuW6IlOP5kxsv4C2vrOOf?si=uUH3e_6fTdOpLUVU0KrMvA).

Magnus is relaxed again and that alone is worth keeping his eyes on the road.

Alec listens to the intro. The synthy sound reminds him of 80's/90's pop. Then a gospel piano, brass, and drums set in and Alec is puzzled how this can be a classic, much less one he should recognise. He is well versed in modern choral literature. That's definitely not part of it.

But then the voices come in and his eyes nearly pop out. Magnus chuckles deeply.

"Got it?" he asks and Alec can just nod and shake his head to the rhythm.

Who had thought that Händel's _Hallelujah_ could work as a gospel version?

Magnus starts singing along and Alec's heart skips a beat or two. How can one person be that perfect? He's falling a little more for the man next to him with every belted note.

"You're really good ... at singing, I mean," Alec says when the song is over.

"Ah, it's nothing."

Alec shakes his head. "You're too modest, Magnus."

"I don't think that anyone has ever said that about me, Alexander."

Alec gives him a quick side look, his cheeks coloured in soft pink. How does Magnus manage that with a single word? With his name nonetheless? Does the man know what he is doing to him? Or is this all just in Alec's head?

Magnus looks at him and wonders what made Alec so flustered.

"You ... umm ... your timbre is beautiful. Reminds me of Avi Kaplan."

"Who's that? Never heard of him."

"He was the bass singer of Pentatonix, works as a solo artist now."

"Wow, that's a real compliment then. His sound is very warm. I was told that mine is as well, but I hear myself differently. Bone structure and all that," he says, circling his fingers in front of his face.

"That's a shame. Did you never hear yourself on a record or over a PA?"

"No. I haven't sung in public for at least a decade. I'm more of a shower singer," he smirks, regretting saying this a second later.

But Alec saves the moment. "Me, too. Though due to other reasons than you probably," he laughs.

Naturally, both are picturing the other man singing underneath the shower now, but who can really blame them for that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I stumbled over the playlist just like Magnus did, by total accident. Umm, yeah. 🙈
> 
> The Handel celebration album is one of my all time favourites. I will always be thankful to my music teacher who introduced it to me for the topic 'variations'.


	13. Chapter 13

Back in town they fall back into their pre-travel routine stupendously fast. Alec sits mostly in his cubicle and Magnus goes out of his way to avoid him as much as he can. It's as if the last few days, all the revelations, all the sharing never happened. 

After all the attention that his boss gave him over the past few days, that somehow stings. Not that Alec would ever admit it, though. Not being wanted is a way too familiar feeling, the backdrop to Alec's life. Why should that be different with the first man who really draws his interest?

Simon is feeling much better now. That's why he works on the Mayer case again, just how it was originally planned. Alec only comes to the team meetings to stay up to date, on the off chance that Simon needs to take a break in the future or the whole thing stretches into his parental leave.

All in all, Alec is fine with all of it. He won't impose, he won't complain. He is in no position to do so anyway. He even helps Magnus with his obvious wish to stay away from him, turning around whenever his boss is socialising with others.

They can't avoid running into each other now and then, but Magnus makes sure to never be alone with him when they need to be in the same room. As if they needed a chaperone like teenagers.

Like now. Magnus is sitting in the chair behind his wooden desk while Dot stands by his side, a hand on his shoulder.

The little gesture has become a familiar sight to Alec and he is pretty sure that the office gossip is true. The two are touching each other way too often for two people who aren't in love.

Alec bites his lower lip. Of course, he fell for a man who is taken. He mostly falls for straight guys anyway. It's nothing new and maybe even a little mercy that heaven sends his way in this particular situation. It's easier to let an infatuation go when you know you never had a chance in the first place.

Magnus clears his throat and gives him a warm smile that is mirrored in Dot's face. Alec relaxes a little. They wouldn't look at him like that if he were here for bad news, would they?

"Today is your last day of probation," Magnus starts and despite the warmth in his voice, Alec feels instantly sick.

He knows his work was good and that they appreciate his talent and flexibility. But that doesn't mean that they'll keep him. He is doing prep work for the others again as his part in the Mayer case has shrunk to a seat in the back. Maybe they think accommodating him isn't worth risking a show off with the Lightwoods after all.

"How do you like it here, Alec?" Magnus asks.

"Very much, sir." Alec just can't call him by his name right now. He needs the distance and Magnus seems to understand as he doesn't correct him.

"We are really happy to have you in our team," Dot says. Alec hears the words but still, he waits for the other shoe to drop.

"We wanted to apologise for the mixed messages we sent you. It must have felt like a degradation to go back to the prep work after doing such a good job with the interviews. Simon just put so much work into the case already," she continues.

"I understand," Alec replies. He really does. It hurts nonetheless. 

"We want our employees to feel valued and adequately challenged," Magnus chimes in. "We want to find work for you that you enjoy long-term as we see you as an asset for the firm."

Alec releases a relieved breath. He would do prep work for the rest of his life if it meant he could stay.

Dot continues, "We think that you are ready for your own cases. Do you feel up to it?"

"Of course," Alec blurts out. Preparations are all fine and well, but nothing compared to doing the real stuff.

Magnus and Dot nod in sync and Alec suppresses the hysterical chuckle that threatens to bubble up in his throat. Oh, they are so _a thing_. Whatever transpired on the business trip was obviously all in Alec's head. It stings a little. He thought Magnus and he had a bond of some kind. He was wrong. 

"Good, good," Magnus says and for a long moment their eyes meet. There is something unreadable on Magnus' face, but Alec doesn't dwell on it.

"Simon offered to share his office with you. He likes company and the cubicle was never meant to be a long-term thing. We're working on renting more office space, but if you don't mind sharing, we can set up the room in an hour or so."

"That would be great, sir. Thank you."

A flash of hurt runs over Magnus' face, short enough to be missed by the blink of an eye, but Alec saw it. It feels like a sting in his chest. Why is Magnus hurt? He's the one giving him the cold shoulder, not the other way around!

Dot's hand tightens slightly on Magnus' shoulder. Alec takes it as a territorial sign. Of course, she feels the tension between the two men and maybe it wasn't all in Alec's head after all. If Magnus were his, he would be territorial, too. Who would ever let a man like him go?

"Thank you for this great opportunity. I'm really grateful that you gave me a chance," Alec says, his voice a little tight. He looks at Dot. He can't face Magnus right now. "I'll go talk with Simon if you don't need me for anything else."

Dot smiles at him. "No, get all set up," she says.

Alec nods and leaves the room.

When the door closes behind him, Magnus slumps down in his chair and closes his eyes.

"That went well," Dot says and gives his shoulder a last squeeze before she walks over to the couch. "I don't understand why you are doing this to yourself, though."

Magnus sighs. "We need to keep him. He is a good lawyer and he deserves the chance. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't employed in the last two years. He tried so hard, but we seem to be the only firm to give him a future."

"That's all true, Magnus, but that's not what I meant."

"I know," he groans. "It's ... complicated."

"I see that," Dot says softly. "But he's already closing off and I can feel how much that is hurting you. As your partner I understand your reasoning, as your friend, I worry. You avoid him and it's obvious."

"He's avoiding me, too."

"Yes, because he isn't stupid. He just mirrors what you're doing. Maybe that's just not wise. You'll never get over him when you're hiding."

The thing is, Magnus doesn't want to get over him. Every time he sees Alec, the stupid butterflies storm his stomach and as unsettling as they are, Magnus doesn't want to lose them either.

He lets his head sink down on his hands on the table. It's such a mess. Why couldn't they meet differently? The thought isn't helpful, of course. It just is what it is.

"Magnus, I know you are a considerate man. I know that you would never abuse your power. If you want to find out where this is leading, I have your back. Just don't pine and hurt yourself in the process. Cut your feelings out or act on them. Just do something."

That's so much easier said than done. But he can't do this to Alec. The man went through too much. He's surely not open to something delicate as dating your boss and to throw himself on him just wouldn't be fair.


	14. Chapter 14

Alec closes the door behind his siblings. Jace and Izzy helped him get his stored furniture into his new apartment. It's small but in a good neighbourhood. Not all of his stuff fits in, but his favourite sofa and his own bed alone make such a big difference that Alec just doesn't care.

After two years he finally has a place to call his own again. The relief he is feeling is bigger than he expected. There is still a lot of work to be done until it will feel like home, but he's looking forward to it.

He eyes the couch that looks way too inviting after a day of schlepping, but he knows that if he gives in, he will fall asleep instantly and be awake again at 2 am. Getting out of his daily rhythm is never good for him, so he decides to take a relaxing stroll.

He loves that work is within walking distance and without really meaning to, his feet carry him that way. It's good to know how long his commute will take on foot, anyway.

It takes twenty minutes and he scans the coffee shops and restaurants on the way. Now that he has a stable income, he may indulge in more luxuries like take-out or a coffee to go, at least for a little while.

He's at the point of turning to walk home when he sees two men exiting the firm's building. One of them he would recognise from a mile away. The other is a stranger. Magnus hugs the dark-haired, older man to his side and the other goes without resistance. He laughs and pulls Magnus even closer.

Alec only realises that he is staring when Magnus becomes aware of him and freezes to the spot. The other man startles at the sudden stop and eyes Magnus, a questioning look on his face. Then he follows his friend's gaze and fixes his own on Alec.

Alec recovers first and sets himself into motion again, greeting the men politely, going for a little small talk, before wishing them a nice evening.

It's ten minutes later that Alec realises that he walked in the wrong direction. He curses quietly. What just happened?

Okay, Dot is _very_ close to Magnus. That's what couples are supposed to be, right? But this man - Ragnor, a _friend_ \- was very close to Magnus, too. Alec isn't one to judge other people's relationships, but the thought of Magnus in a polyamorous triangle makes him feel sick. Not in a sense of disgust. No. Alec doesn't give a shit about how others find happiness. But this feels more like jealousy, and isn't that just stupid.

Alec manages to suppress his jealousy towards Dot pretty good. She is his boss after all. But Ragnor? Maybe it's just because he is a man and it hurts that Alec isn't good enough to be considered as a love interest.

Alec huffs a laugh. As if he would even think about being part of a ménage à quatre. No. He may have never been in a real relationship, but he's pretty sure he is a monogamous person. He can't imagine sharing the man he loves with other people.

_The man he loves._

Alec wants to punch himself. He is so stupid! Why is he even thinking about Magnus? The man is obviously well settled in whatever kind of arrangement he has. Since they came back from their business trip he gave him no indication of having an interest in him whatsoever. Alec should have buried his feelings right from the start, but clinging onto it now is only pathetic.

_"There's nothing pathetic about you, Alec."_

Magnus' words echo in his head. He wants to believe them, but it's hard when you wrestle with your boss' private life in your head, well knowing that no good will ever come out of it.

Back home again, he decides to resume unpacking. He puts clean sheets on his bed and opens the box with his bedroom stuff. He moves around, filling his wardrobe and the bedside drawer.

It's 11 pm when he finally stops rummaging around his flat and gets ready for the night.

The king-sized bed is massive and terribly empty. Alec presses his face into his pillow and lets out a long sigh. Even when he didn't love her romantically, this bed felt so much better with Lydia next to him.

Outside of town in his beautiful country house, Magnus rolls around in his equally empty bed. He groans. He can't get Alec's look out of his mind, the one that he hid rather quickly after he realised that Magnus had seen him.

Alec looked sad, hurt maybe. But why? Did he do this to Alec somehow? He was so careful to not give him hope. They even started to act around each other as every other employee and boss would, and Alec seemed to be content with that.

But that unguarded look on Alec's face was all Magnus needed to start thinking about possibilities again. What if he asked Alec out and he declined? What if he asked Alec out and he accepted? What if they went out and it was a disaster? What if it wasn't? What if Alec is the person to grow old with and he just lets him slip through his fingers?

Magnus looks at the clock. He needs to talk to someone. He'll go crazy if he doesn't. He shoots Cat a text, not really sure if she's working or asleep right now.

It only takes a few minutes until his phone rings.

"Coffee break," Cat declares and Magnus knows he has her full attention for a few minutes. 

"Alec," he says. The silence on the other side is heavy. He hasn't told her about him yet. He knows why he didn't. Breaking this particular news to her makes it real, shows that it's not just a flirt. The last person he spoke with Cat about was Camille and that feels aeons ago.

"He's an employee of mine."

Magnus hears Catarina sighing softly.

"I know. I just can't get him out of my head."

"He must be special," Cat simply says and Magnus can only agree softly.

"He is gentle and kind, fierce and strong. He is smart and has a great taste in music. He has the most beautiful Bambi eyes. Cat, I tried so hard not to fall for him. I really did."

Catarina hums. "How does he feel about it?"

Magnus sighs. "No idea. We haven't touched the topic, but I think he might feel the same. We had ... moments."

"What kind of moments?"

"Long staring, meaningful silences, blushing on both sides."

"Oh, you really got it bad," Catarina chuckles sympathetically. 

"I guess so. I just ... I don't know how to ask him out. I'm his boss after all."

"Are you sure he's interested in men?"

"Yes, he's gay. He's open about it."

"No bi-phobia?"

"Cat!" he groans.

"Sorry, but that was the first warning sign with her who shall not be named. Gay men can be bigots, too."

"You're right. No, I don't think that's a problem. He works pro bono for a LGBTQ+ organisation and I heard him talking about a bi girl who he's holding a brief for regarding her emancipation as a minor."

"Okay, he's an angel. I get it," Catarina says, a smile audible in her voice. "What is the worst that could happen if you asked him out?"

"He could feel sexually harassed."

That's Magnus' biggest concern. He knows he is flirty and sometimes oversteps. This might be okay in a club, but not with an employee you crush on.

"I think you could ward off misunderstandings by opening with no matter how he answers, it won't have any consequences for his professional career."

"Well, isn't that romantic?" Magnus scoffs sarcastically. 

"That's the only way I think it could work, Magnus."

"I know. As usual, you're right, my dear."

"How long have you been sitting on this?" she asks, the ever so caring friend that she is.

"Seven weeks now."

"Oh, Magnus."

"I know, I know."


	15. Chapter 15

When Alec enters the courthouse for the first time in years, he is slightly nervous.

He is well prepared and Izzy gave him a pep talk right before he left the office. He knows he got this. Still, his whole body feels like a swarm of bees, buzzing and giddy.

He's early and sits down in the courtroom, trying to find the old anticipation, that always accompanied him here. He watches the other lawyers doing their job. It's familiar and still feels like thousands of years ago.

The hearing is a simple divorce, no kids, no properties, no prenup. The case is pretty straight forward, the judge looks nearly bored. The husband's lawyer presents challenges that don't make any sense. He likely only acts after his client's playbook. A stupid thing to do, of course, but not Alec's problem. For him and his client, it's plain sailing. The hearing is soon over and after a short talk, Alec turns to leave.

"Alec!" a familiar voice comes from behind and he hears the clicking of high heels running through the corridor. He turns, not sure what to expect.

"It's really you!"

He is pulled into a tight embrace. He always wondered how such a petite woman could master so much strength.

He goes easily, the reaction still natural, even after two long years. How often did they hold each other like that? How often did he wish he could fall in love with her?

"It's so good to see you," Lydia says, beaming at him.

"Yeah," he says, an honest, yet small smile on his lips, "it's good to see you, too."

"You're back in court? That's awesome! Did your parents finally had an insight?"

"No, but someone dared to give me a chance, nonetheless."

Lydia beams at him. "Look, I need to get this to my associate, but I'm free otherwise. Do you have time for lunch?"

"Sure." 

It's a bit overwhelming, but a nice idea. The main reason he stayed away from Lydia after they split up was his shame. He couldn't let her watch him drown. She didn't deserve that. They had been friends for so long before they tried to be good children to dominant parents and she accepted his proposal. 

Alec leans against the wall waiting when he sees someone out of the corner of his eye. He turns away in panic.

_Shit! What are the odds?_

"Well, well, well. Look who is here," his mother's voice sounds through the corridor. "Who was stupid enough to hire you?"

Alec turns back, opening his mouth to answer. Then he feels a hand on his arm.

"Just on time as always," Lydia chirps, giving his cheek a peck. "Alec, you won't believe what Suzie did this morning ..."

She talks nineteen to the dozen, pulls him out of the courthouse, and out of his mother's reach.

"Thank you," he says when they are finally seated in a cute little café around the corner.

"Don't mention it, Alec. I owe you more than one escape, especially after I ruined your life."

"You didn't ruin my life, Lydia. Me being gay ruined it."

Lydia looks up from her menu. "I hope you don't truly believe that, Alec!"

He looks down at his hands. "Nothing good came out of it, so, yeah, I mean it."

"Alec," Lydia simply says and her soft, sympathetic voice nearly breaks him. "Don't say that. You are who you are. God created you perfectly. He doesn't make mistakes."

"Well if God wanted me to be gay then maybe they shouldn't have put me in a homophobic family."

She brushes her hand soothingly over his forearm. "I don't know what to say, Alec. All I know is that God loves you, and many people do, too. There is nothing wrong about being gay."

They sit in silence for a while until Alec nods. His eyes are still glazed over, but no tears threaten to fall anymore.

His eyes fall on her hands and he sees a ring on Lydia's wedding finger.

"You're married? Congratulations!"

"Yes," she smiles softly, "we eloped to Las Vegas." Her laugh sounds light and airy and Alec can see how happy she is.

"What, no big church wedding? You always dreamt about one," he teases, knowing well that their wedding plans never really included what the two of them wanted or dreamt of.

"A clergy friend of ours blessed us in a private service later. That was enough. My parents wouldn't have liked it anyway, John not being a lawyer and all that. But we are happy. It was worth all the pain. My parents love him now." She looks warmly at her friend. "The right man is waiting for you, too, Alec. Just be patient."

Alec snorts. "I've been patient for a long while, worked through so much shit. I'm sick of falling for the wrong guy."

Maybe he is so bad at hiding his feelings or Lydia just knows him too well, but her gaze grows so intense that Alec needs to look away.

"So, there is someone," she says matter-of-factly. "You met someone."

Alec nods.

"What's wrong with him?" she asks playfully. 

"I don't know. With him, it's a roller-coaster of emotions. I'm not even sure he's single. But one moment he stares at me with sad eyes when he thinks I don't notice, the next he acts all business."

"So, it's someone from work."

"Lydia, I can't ..."

"You don't need to tell me who he is. But if your observation is right and you both harbour feelings for each other ... you should at least talk about it, Alec, no matter if he turns out to be the man of your dreams or someone who doesn't merit your affection. You deserve to be happy and so does he."

"I could lose my job, Lyd."

"If that happens, you're on my payroll the very next day," she says.

Alec chuckles. "You're kidding! Your father would never let that happen."

"Uh-uh," she grins even wider. "Since last month I am the sole owner of 'Branwell & son'. My father went into early retirement. His health isn't the best, you know."

"I'm sorry to hear that. But Lydia, my parents ..."

"Your parents' influence is declining, Alec. I'm not afraid of them. So, whatever happens, you would always have a job if you needed one. Who are you working for? Maybe I can steal you away anyway?" she asks mischievously.

Alec chuckles. "Thank you, but I'm pretty happy at 'Banes & Rollins'."

"Oh, I bet you are."

She flashes him a wide grin and leans back in her chair. Alec doesn't really understand what she means by that.


	16. Chapter 16

Alec has absolutely no idea how it came to this. One moment he was at the point of leaving the lunchroom to go out of Magnus' way and the next he somehow agreed to accompany him to a benefit gala for the local theatre.

"Dot hates those kinds of things and I need someone to have a proper conversation with between all those lounge lizards," Magnus said and in an unusual moment of not overthinking Magnus' motives, he agreed.

Alec struggles with his bow tie. He can't concentrate. What was he thinking?!

He wasn't, that's what. He saw Magnus' hopeful smile and heard Lydia's words echoing in his head. _You deserve to be happy and so does he._

Great. Just great. As if his ex-fiancée would know anything about happiness. Well, she kind of does, as does Izzy who literally squeaked when he told her about it.

"It's a date! With Magnus Bane! Go big or go home, huh?!"

That's one way to put it.

Alec finally manages to tie his bow right and he shrugs into his jacket. He's not vain, but he looks good tonight. His hair was nice enough to cooperate and his tall body was just made for wearing a tux.

When the bell rings he takes a last deep breath. This evening could become the best or the worst of his life.

For a split second he wonders if Magnus is in a dither like him or if this is really just a way to not being bored all night.

He runs down the stairs. When he opens the building's door, the sight in front of him takes his breath away. If he thought that he cleaned up nicely it's nothing compared to Magnus. He's just beautiful. There is no other word for it. He's breathtakingly beautiful. 

Alec tries to tame the damn butterflies that storm through his whole body but doesn't succeed. His heart threatens to jump out of his chest and his hands start sweating. How is he supposed to survive hours of looking at this man?

Magnus' soft voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

"Alexander?"

_Damn it!_

Just one word and Alec's a goner. He may as well expect the worst.

"Umm ...," Alec manages, but there is a big, fat lump in his throat. "Magnus," he croaks and his cheeks explode in crimson. _Smooth, Lightwood, smooth._

Magnus' smile widens as he not so subtly checks him out.

"You look great in a tux. Nearly as good as me," Magnus jokes and Alec's answering laugh unties the knots building up in his stomach. How can Magnus look so relaxed? Is this really not a date for him, just an event spent with a co-worker?

"Thank you, Magnus," he blurts out and follows him to his car.

Magnus opens the passenger door for him and Alec slides into the seat, smiling at him shyly.

When Magnus fastens his seat belt, he takes a deep breath.

"I don't want this to be weird, Alec, so let me say this: I'm very happy that you're coming with me tonight and whatever ... whatever happens or is being said has no consequences for your work life or career. I want to make this perfectly clear."

Alec looks at him in silence. So, this _is_ a date. Or at least it could be seen as one. Or maybe not? He's none the wiser. _Argh!_

Alec hides the screaming thoughts in his head behind a neutral mask and simply nods in lieu of an answer.

Magnus smiles at him mildly and starts the engine. He can't remember the last time being this nervous. Maybe never. Even Camille didn't unsettle him the way Alec does.

The invitation was a spur of the moment thing and he may have been more surprised about Alec's yes than the man himself.

Alec really looks handsome, always but especially tonight. The tux hugs him in all the right places and he looks good enough to eat.

_Slow your horses, Bane._

If this is meant to be more than just this night, he needs to go slow. And he wants this evening to be the start of something, not the end.

He remembers Catarina's words. He really got it bad, but he still isn't sure about Alec's side of the equation. Maybe he just wants to be friends? Well, in that case, he will be his friend.

When they enter the theatre lounge the place is crowded with men in suits and women in evening gowns.

Alec feels thrown back to a time where he waddled behind his parents like a well-trained puppy. It was on one of those occasions that he met Lydia, the mischievous and funny teenage girl who made him laugh and accepted all his quirks, his shyness, his love for archery and Bette Midler.

He remembers his first (and last) joint with her behind the congress centre and the way they held each other after they decided to not go through with the wedding. He is lucky to have her back in his life.

He feels Magnus' warm hand on the small of his back. It's a simple touch, but it anchors him to the here and now.

"Do you have pure orange juice?" Alec hears him asking the waitress before turning back to him, scrutinising his face for a second. "Are you alright, Alec?"

Alec nods. "Yes, just, I've been on too many social events to count and I still feel like a fish out of the water."

"I understand." 

There is so much warmth in those two words. It floods all of Alec's insecurities. Magnus is simply magical like that, his mere presence calms him.

The waitress comes back with his juice and they clank their glasses together.

"To us," Magnus toasts.

Alec's mouth twitches into a smile. "To us."

The delight on Magnus' face makes him even more beautiful. Alec conjured this look on his face. It feels good.

But the intimate moment is interrupted by a man who pats Magnus forcefully on the back.

"Bane, haven't seen you in ages. No time for poker due to your little boy toy here?" the stranger asks.

Alec feels shame running over his skin. It's a mixture of not wanting to be seen as something that he simply isn't, and the fear that this is all he can ever be for Magnus.

The man turns to face him. "Oh, you're the Lightwood boy." He eyes him hungrily. "I guess that's all that's left to do for you in town. Tell me, when he gets sick of you."

There is a sound emanating from Magnus, something like a low growl.

"Shut up and back off, Morgenstern!" Magnus hisses. His whole posture looks as if he were ready to fight. It shouldn't turn Alec on, but it somehow does. Palpable power suits the usual composed Magnus and Alec doesn't care one bit that he is the damsel in distress that he's defending.

Morgenstern raises both hands and walks backwards with a devilish grin. He gives Alec a wink and walks away.

"Sorry," Magnus murmurs. "He's an asshole."

"And you play poker with him?"

Magnus presses his lips to a thin line. "I guess that's in the past now."

Alec shakes his head. "Valentine is powerful. You really shouldn't stay away from him. I know how important these kinds of meetings are."

"Not more important than your honour."

Alec chokes on his juice. The fruit acid burns in his nose. When he can finally breathe again, he says, "I suppose, my honour is unsalvageable, Magnus. Nothing to lose an important contact over."

"You really believe that you're not worthy of respect." It's not a question.

"I just don't want to pull you down into the abyss."

Exactly the words you should tell your 'date', right?

Magnus gives him a long, stern look, then takes his hand, and pulls him outside on a balcony.

Magnus turns around and closes the door behind them. The night is star-bright and the muffled voices from inside sound like the perfect backdrop to confessions and revelations.

Alec shivers. It's not because of the coolness of the air. It's Magnus' intense look that is fixed on him.

"Alec, I asked you out because you are the kindest, generous, funny, and sophisticated person I have met in a very long time. It doesn't matter what people like Morgenstern or your parents think. They don't define who you are. You are wonderful and if you let me, I will tell you that for the rest of our lives."

Alec needs a long moment to properly digest the words.

"So, this _is_ a date." It both sounds like a fact and a question.

Magnus swallows and clenches his jaws. He didn't mean to make a full-blown declaration of how much he likes him, but seeing the self-demeaning look on Alec's face he just couldn't help it.

"It is whatever you want it to be, Alexander. I'll be your friend if you ask me to."

Alec shakes his head. "I don't want that."

Magnus falters. _It's okay_ , he lies to himself, _It's okay._

"A ... alright," he stutters and hates himself for it. Who's the pathetic one now? He risked everything, but at least it's all out in the open. Alec doesn't want him in his life _at all_. "Alright," he repeats more firmly. "As you wish, Alec."

He turns around and grabs the door handle. 

"No! Shit!" he hears Alec cursing behind him.

Alec grabs his arm and swirls him around. "I meant, I don't want you only as a friend." Alec runs a hand through his hair, destroying all the hard work, but making himself looking just a tad more adorable. "I'm so bad at this."

Magnus chuckles. "No, you're rather good at this, Alexander. Hollywood-worthy."

Alec laughs and throws his head back. "Well, if you say so."

Magnus promises himself to make Alec laugh like that for as long as he lets him.


	17. Chapter 17

"I'm just happy that Dot prefers movies over the theatre. I'm not sure if I would have ever managed to ask you out otherwise," Magnus chuckles. 

Hearing her name Alec's stomach turns into a tight knot. Right, he forgot all about her. And Ragnor. Magnus makes him forget many things. 

Alec lets his hand fall to the side, turns around, and walks to the balustrade, leaving a confused Magnus behind.

"Did I say something wrong?" 

Alec doesn't talk for a long moment. "What is she to you?"

Magnus' face tightens. "What do you mean?"

He walks closer, but the tension in Alec's back keeps him from touching him.

"Is she your girlfriend?"

Magnus is taken aback by this question. "What makes you think that?"

Alec shrugs his shoulders. "You two are touching all the time, just like you and Ragnor."

_Oh._

"Alexander ..."

"I just need you to know that I'm ... I'm not made for an open relationship or being a boy toy or ... at least I don't think so."

He couldn't suppress the last bit. He _wants_ Magnus. If anything, this is what trying to stay away from him managed to make perfectly clear. He wants him in a way he never wanted anybody before. Who knows? Maybe he would learn to share him, just to have him at least sometimes. The thought frightens him, though.

Magnus dares to put his hand on Alec's shoulder. It feels warm and reassuring. Alec doesn't want him to let go - ever.

Magnus wonders if this is what was holding him back? The thought that Magnus didn't want him the same way he wanted Magnus. How can he explain all of this? Maybe he doesn't need to, not in this very moment.

"Me neither," he simply says and the words are relief, and hope, and the best two words Alec has ever heard in his entire life.

He twirls around and pulls Magnus into his arms. Magnus lets out a little noise of surprise but goes easily into the embrace as if they had done this a million times before. 

"Thank, God!" Alec whispers.

They hold each other for long minutes, relishing each other's warmth and closeness until they hear the sound of the bell.

They disentangle and chuckle. After a long moment of looking in each other's eyes, Magnus slots his fingers in Alec's and they walk to their seats hand in hand. Alec never thought he was the hand holding type. Boy, was he wrong.

He doesn't let go through the whole gala, enjoys it more than the excellent performances on stage. Every stroke of Magnus' thumb sends a bolt through his body and even in the dim light of the pit, he can't keep himself from looking at ... his boyfriend?

Realisation hits him. This evening changes _everything_. They have to talk about so many things. They haven't even kissed yet. What if he is really bad at it? The few boys he kissed, well, they were boys, just as inexperienced as himself. With Lydia it wasn't the real deal, never felt right. What if Magnus will be disappointed?

Panic is rising in his chest. But as if he senses it, Magnus leans over to him and lays his head on his shoulder. His hair tickles Alec's neck.

"Is this okay?" he whispers.

Alec nods silently. This feels perfect. The weight of Magnus' head, the touch, the intimacy. Alec never felt as content before. This is just the way it should be.

He thinks back to a movie Izzy made him watch a few months ago about a gay kid that was finding himself. His love interest said something that pops into Alec's mind: "I found that when you are in the moment, things just fall into place." Damn, was that kid right.

Magnus sighs happily. Alec can feel his breath tickling his skin. He closes his eyes. For everyone else, it may look like he's enjoying the aria of the Queen of the Night, but in truth, he breathes Magnus in. The sandalwood is the perfect companion to his natural scent and Alec wonders what his skin might taste like.

He adjusts his posture. No, he won't go _there_. They are in public, for heaven's sake. What is this man doing to him!?

Meanwhile Magnus plays with the rings on his fingers. How is he supposed to keep his hands off Alec? He just wants to go home and do to him whatever they both feel comfortable with. He wants to kiss him so badly. Why didn't he do that on the balcony? That was a stupid neglect. Now he has to endure at least one more hour of the programme and the socialising afterwards.

What if someone asks who Alec is? He doesn't want to assume. But calling him his companion might hurt him.

Okay, he really needs to kiss him stupid later, otherwise, his mind won't stop worrying. Maybe Alec stays for the night and they can talk about it tomorrow. 

No, that would be stupid. Not the talking part, but tomorrow is Saturday and he can't throw the poor man to the wolves, aka his best friends.

And who says that Alec even wants to stay? He seems to be more of the traditional guy. A kiss is all Magnus can expect today, at the most.

That's good, too. Magnus is a bit rusty when it comes to relationships and he has no idea what Alec's dating life looked like in the past.

It hits him that he knows a lot of things about Alec by now, but he never mentioned exes, except for Lydia. Maybe they had a similar approach to casual sex. 

Magnus feels arousal blazing a trail through his body. He wriggles about on his seat to release the building tension. This is neither the right time nor the right place.

He still feels Alec's hand warm in his own. He gives it a small squeeze which Alec returns. They only let go to join the final applause.

When the lights go on Magnus turns to Alec. He can't wait for another minute.

"What do you say we get out of here?" he whispers into Alec's ear.

"Yes," Alec smiles back.

They make a beeline through the crowd of people, never letting go of each other's hand. Magnus writes out a generous cheque and they leave through a side door.

When they are back in the car, their nervousness is palpable. Alec brushes his sweaty palms over his tighs.

He chuckles and looks over to Magnus who wears a small, nearly shy smile.

"God, I want to kiss you," Alec breathes.

Magnus' face lights up and he leans over the centre console.

"Then do it," he says smiling and Alec doesn't need to be asked twice.

He closes the gap between them and runs his fingers through the short hair on the back of Magnus' head. He gently pulls him in and catches his lips. The kiss is oh so soft.

Magnus' hand finds its way to his cheek, the touch tender and sweet. The sound of their breaths mingle. 

Magnus doesn't know where he ends and where Alec begins anymore. He doesn't want to know. It feels as if their lips were made for each other. He's inclined to believe they are.

All worries in Alec's head about not being good enough vanish when he hears Magnus softly moan against his lips. It sends a shiver through his body. 

"Sorry," Magnus whispers and pulls slightly away, "I got carried away."

Alec just shakes his head and pulls him back in. This time, his tongue demands entrance and Magnus lets him in, gives him everything he asks for and more.

Little sounds of pleasure fill the space around them and Alec can only agree: _When you are in the moment, things just fall into place._


	18. Chapter 18

"Tell me everything!" Izzy demands when Alec opens the door.

He rolls his eyes at his sister's antics, but she just pushes a bag with deliciously smelling pastries and his favourite coffee into his hands and gives him a wide grin.

She slips out of her shoes and walks straight to the set dining table. 

"He was the perfect gentleman," Alec says, settling down on his chair.

"What a shame."

"Izzy!"

"Come on, bro. I'm just kidding. I'm happy for you," she snickers.

She pulls a piece off her croissant and puts it in her mouth, grinning around her food. "I never thought that you would actually kiss, given you weren't even sure if it was a date. I bet he is a great kisser."

If Alec were a poet he would write sonnets about the way Magnus kisses - all-consuming, soft, yet knee-weakening, the taste of his lips and tongue sweet as honey. But he is no poet, so he just says, "He is." He can't suppress the wide grin on his face. 

They kissed a lot last night. In the car in the theatre's car park, then again when they found a parking bay close to his building. Then on several places on the way to the front door, and then leaning against the exterior wall, Magnus' warm body like a weighted blanket pressing him into the bricks.

Alec doesn't know if he would have been able to say no if Magnus had asked him to come up. But Magnus didn't and Alec's thankful for that. They need to do this right, whatever 'right' means in this context. 

"Why isn't he here, anyway? I thought you two lovebirds would be inseparable now."

"He has a weekly thing with his friends."

Alec would prefer being prioritised, but he is the new addition to Magnus' life. He can't expect him to drop everything, just because he already misses him.

"I'd like to be a fly on the wall," Izzy says, "and hear him swooning over you."

Alec's stomach casts a somersault. Will Magnus tell them about him? Do they already know? Or will Magnus hide him away like a dirty little secret?

The last time he had something akin to a relationship with someone he thought he loved, he himself was far in the closet. It was the reason why Jimmy had broken up with him.

Alec thinks back to their last phone call when he worked through step number 9 of Alcoholics Anonymous. Jimmy was married with children, happy and thriving. They had a good talk and he wished Alec well. He even sent him a Christmas card of him with his husband and their lovely twins. 

No, Magnus wouldn't do that to him. The way he acted the day before, he surely isn't in the closet.

Once again, Alec realises how little he knows about the man he is slowly falling for.

"We have a date tomorrow," Alec says. Magnus invited him over to cook for him. So, maybe he _does_ want to hide him.

"What is it?" Izzy asks concerned, seeing his worry lines.

"Nothing, just ... I don't even know if he is out."

Izzy bursts out laughing. "No worry, hermano. Magnus is - and I quote the man himself - 'a freewheeling bisexual'."

Alec feels relief washing over him. One less thing to worry about.

* * *

"Hands down, I never had someone kiss me as he did, ever," Magnus dotes, looking over his garden.

Cat grins over her virgin colada. "Which is saying something," she replies. 

"Come on. I'm not that bad."

"Really? Can you tell me the exact number of your lovers?" she teases.

Magnus groans. This topic has always been delicate between them. Catarina made no secret of thinking that this lifestyle didn't suit him. She didn't judge him for it, she just didn't see him as the no strings attached type of guy.

"What a difference does it make? Sex is supposed to be fun," Magnus says, his voice betraying his nonchalant posture.

Cat just sighs softly. "Yes, but it can be even more fun with someone who stays longer than just one night."

Both fall silent. Ever since her fiancé died many years ago, Cat has been single. Magnus isn't sure if she doesn't want a new man on her side or if she just didn't meet Mister Right. All he knows is that she doesn't want to talk about it.

"Let me convince Alec to stay for one night and then we'll see."

Cat looks at him for a long moment. "Just don't rush it. Get to know him. I don't want you to get hurt. That's all."

Magnus nods silently and gives her arm a squeeze. 

Still, the thought keeps stuck in his head. What if Alec has a problem with his past? Not that he is ashamed. He is not. But estimating the number of sex partners he had, a hollow feeling spreads in his stomach. They are too many to count, too many face- and nameless bodies that warmed his bed for a night.

Is he even capable of building a working relationship?

His past relationships were rather unhealthy, not only the one with Camille. He was too clingy and too compliant. He mustn't make the same mistakes again. He mustn't chase Alec away with his neediness and he needs to stay himself. No compromises. It either works or not.

Magnus walks over to his kitchen to fetch ingredients for new cocktails. He finds Ragnor rummaging through his fridge.

"Don't touch the cheese, Ragnor! That's not for today," Magnus scolds him.

"For when then?"

"Alec is coming over tomorrow and we'll brunch together."

Ragnor grins at him. "The pretty boy? Were you finally brave enough to ask him out?"

"Yes, we went to the gala yesterday."

"And?"

"I think he's my boyfriend now. Or not. Maybe it's too early to put a label on it." Magnus furrows his brow. "We'll see."

"Since when do you have commitment issues?" Ragnor asks seriously. 

"I don't, but many people date for months before they use that word."

"You never waited. For you, it was always all or nothing. What changed?"

Magnus shrugs. "I don't want to chase him away."

"Don't you think that he's just not the right one for you if being yourself was a problem?"

Magnus exhales sharply. He knows that Ragnor is right. But being himself made him stay behind way too often. He was always too much and not enough at the same time. Memories of heartbreak flood his mind.

No, he won't go through something like this again. Who says he can't be wary for once? Alec has no right to turn his life upside down, just because they are dating. There's nothing wrong with protecting his heart. Alec will understand. Magnus is sure of that.


	19. Chapter 19

Alec looks adorable with his pink coloured cheeks and the bottle of wine in his hand. It's an expensive one from Portugal. Magnus has so many questions and makes a mental note to address this later.

They both are a little shy. Just 36 hours ago they kissed each other breathless and now they don't know how to act around one another.

Magnus puts the bottle on the dressing table in his hallway. He grabs Alec at his lapel and initiates a kiss. It takes only a second until they melt into each other again. It's as easy as that to get back on track. But remembering his resolutions Magnus wills himself to end the kiss again. No clinginess this time.

"Brunch is nearly ready," he says and grabs the bottle.

Alec follows him into the kitchen. The room itself is nearly as big as his own open plan kitchen / dining / living room space. Magnus' kitchen is fitted with an impressive AGA cooker, a kitchen island with breakfast bar, and all that jazz. It's obviously owned by a dedicated cook and baker.

Alec expected Magnus to have money, but the room alone screams 'loaded' and Alec suddenly feels very insecure. No wonder that Magnus didn't want to come up to his shoebox apartment. 

There had been a time when such a house wouldn't have Alec bat an eye, but those days are long gone. It reminds him of what he lost all over again.

Magnus moves through the kitchen, filling the waffle iron stirring pots, checking on the fresh buns in the oven. All his movements are fluent and Alec wonders how he may look like dancing.

Alec leans against the kitchen island and watches him, only half listening to what Magnus tells him about the brunch he conjured for them, too entranced by the beautiful man.

"Alexander?"

Alec looks at him with a questioning frown. Did Magnus ask him something?

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if you can drink alcohol-free champagne?"

Alec clamps his fingers to the edge of the worktop, his knuckles turning white. _Let's get this over with._

"I never tried. I know that some reformed alcoholics deal well with it, but I don't want to risk it. I hope that's not a problem."

Magnus isn't sure if he means his past or his precautions, but it doesn't matter. The answer is the same in any case.

"Of course not, darling. I just didn't want to assume. Does it bother you when people drink around you?"

"No," Alec answers. It's a white lie. He's not sure how he will manage if Magnus is a daily consumer. He tasted the champagne on Magnus' lips during their kiss and it irritated him. But that's his thing to deal with. He won't make Magnus forgo what he likes just because he has an alcohol problem.

"Okay. Although I must say that this alcohol-free one really tastes good. I may switch over to it for our Saturday brunches. Raphael can sometimes get a bit prickly when he had too much. He eats like a bird, but drinks like a tippler," he jokes like he did a dozen times before.

When Alec doesn't laugh, Magnus turns around. Alec is as white as a sheet and his cheeks are burning in a deep red. _Shit!_

"Sorry, Alec, I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright. That's what I was. Nothing wrong with saying such a thing. I hope, Raphael is only an occasional drinker."

"He is," Magnus assures.

Alec smiles uneasy.

"How ... how long ...?" Magnus starts.

"Over a year now."

"Congratulations! That's a great achievement."

Alec chuckles darkly. "Thanks. It's always strange to be congratulated for something after messing up so tremendously."

"Everyone has their weaknesses, Alexander. Some forms are just more visible or destructive than others."

"What is your weakness?" Straight down to the nitty-gritty it is.

Magnus concentrates on cutting the strawberries in front of him, contemplating how honest he wants to be. To hell with it! Better now than later.

"I guess it is sex. I filled the void I sometimes felt with one-offs."

"Wow!" slips out of Alec's mouth before he can stop himself.

Out of the corner of his eye Magnus catches a glimpse of Alec's shocked face before the other man schools his countenance.

"I hope that's not a problem?" Magnus adds through gritted teeth. He hadn't thought Alec to be such a prude.

It takes Alec a long moment to answer and Magnus tries to swallow the huge lump in his throat.

"Of course not," Alec mumbles.

How did they mess up the conversation even before sitting down at the table? First talks in a relationship should be light and easy.

Magnus takes a deep breath and turns around to face Alec.

"Look ... I am who I am. And you are who you are. And nothing in the world can change that. So ... let's just try to make the best of it."

Alec sighs heavily. He knows that Magnus thinks this is about his former sex life. But it isn't, not really. It's about Alec's lack of experience in the face of a man who had sex with an undefined, bigger than usual number of people. On top of outing himself as an ex drunkard, Alec can't out himself as some kind of virgin. He just can't. 

"Sure," he says and he hopes it doesn't sound as defeated as he feels.

Magnus gives him a wry smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

Alec works his jaw and closes his eyes to centre himself. He won't let his insecurities come between him and his one chance of happiness. 

He forces himself to let go of the worktop and walks over to Magnus who is cutting the strawberries again.

He moves closer, lays his hands gently on Magnus' hips and leans against his back. He presses a soft kiss to his neck and more feels than hears the agitated breathing leaving Magnus' lungs.

"I'm tested," Magnus blurts out, "and I always had safe sex."

Alec sighs. "I don't think that this is a point we need to discuss. Not yet," he murmurs calmly into Magnus' skin, even though his heart is racing.

Magnus breathes out, finally relaxing. With sex off the table, nothing seems to have changed between them. He feared Alec could think he was only a filler, too. But he for sure isn't.

Alec presses little kisses to Magnus' neck and hair, the touch of his lips featherlight.

Alec's hands wander to Magnus' abdomen. He doesn't know where his courage is coming from. He just wants, no, he needs to touch Magnus. He just knows, everything is easier when he can touch him.

Magnus dries his hands on a towel, moves around in Alec's arms, and lets his hands roam over his back. They lean their foreheads together and breathe the same air for a long moment.

Alec smiles and then kisses him on the lips. Honey. Yes, that's what he wants to taste for the rest of his life. Who cares that they are patched up, broken people with a past? They can be broken together, can help each other heal, and tattoo better memories over their scars and blemishes.


	20. Chapter 20

They settle into easier topics over brunch. Magnus really outdid himself with the food and Alec showers him with praise.

He actually sees Magnus blush for the very first time as he only wears his signature kohl today, not his usual full face. Magnus looks lovely with the natural pink on his cheeks, softer somehow. The thought that not just anyone gets to see him like this, but he is allowed to makes Alec's heart flutter.

Magnus shows him the house and the garden that is his pride and joy. Alec shrinks more and more inwardly. Everything is exquisite and tasteful. Alec decides that he will take Magnus out on their next date. He can't bring the man to his cramped flat.

He knows he shouldn't be ashamed of who he is and how he lives now, but he can't shake the feeling that he is on a totally different level than Magnus.

Morgenstern's words thrum in his mind. _I guess that's all that's left to do for you in town._ He knows that's bullshit, but he will hear more of those things if they should make this relationship work.

"What are you thinking about?" Magnus' voice cuts through his haze.

"Just, how we ... will deal with ...," he moves his hand between them.

Magnus nods in understanding. "Yes, we should talk about that."

He walks over to a bench and taps on the space next to him.

"What do you want?"

Somehow Alec thought - and maybe hoped - that Magnus would lead this conversation. But Magnus just looks at him with warm eyes, as if there wasn't a single thing he could wrongly answer.

"I want to be with you."

It should be self-evident after what they shared, but it somehow still conjures a smile on Magnus' face.

"I'm ... I'm not sure about work. I mean, I don't want to hide our ... relationship ...," Alec pauses a second to give Magnus the option to decline the word, but he doesn't, "I would like to keep it in our private realms, though, until we're ... Would that be okay?"

Magnus takes his hand and brushes his thumb tenderly over the knuckles. 

"Of course. I would have suggested the same. I don't know how long we can or want to keep it a secret, but we deal with it when the time comes."

Magnus clears his throat. "Is there anything you want to know about me? I'm sure you have many questions."

Magnus looks tormented, as if he had this conversation before. Maybe he had. Alec wished he could take the pain away. Hopefully, one day he will.

Alec grins at him. "Yes, actually. Where did you learn to cook and bake like that?"

Magnus guffaws, all tension leaving his body. "From the holy trinity - Julia Child, Martha Stewart, and Nigella Lawson."

Alec gives him a wide grin. This man is just perfect. And he will learn the answers to the questions that really prey on his mind, whenever Magnus is going to be ready to answer them.

When they walk back into the house, Magnus feels lighter. Alec gives him so much space. He's not used to that in a relationship.

They settle on the couch and Magnus suppresses the impulse to snuggle up to Alec. He takes a seat on the other side of the couch, just to be safe. Alec frowns at him. He looks terribly cute that way and still it's not what Magnus was going for.

"What's wrong, Alexander?"

Alec clears his throat nervously. "With all the casual touches you share with your friends, I'm a little surprised that you ... I guess I thought you were more of a cuddler, I suppose."

Magnus plays with his ear cuff. Alec doesn't know the half of it. 

"I usually am," he confesses, making a face.

Alec huffs in amusement. "Why don't you come over and snuggle up with me then?"

The question is so genuine that it gives Magnus whiplash. 

"I was told that I am too clingy." He tries to let it sound nonchalant, but bitterness and hurt seep through the words.

"Well, I guess the competition for the most clingy person in our relationship is on. Jace called me huggy bear for three years straight."

"That's a cute name for a big brother," Magnus supplies.

"Not when he's 14 when you start with it."

Magnus chuckles. "Okay, I see your point. But we'll see. Dot once called me her personal koala."

Alec cocks an eyebrow. "Now you're _my_ personal koala. C’mere."

Magnus eyes him for a long moment and then he gives in. He has the feeling that it will be very difficult to resist these beautiful Bambi eyes.

It takes a few moments until they are settled on the couch, bodies pressed together side by side, and Magnus' head cushioned on Alec's firm chest. Magnus closes his eyes and relishes in the feeling of being held. He often lies like this with Dot, but it feels so very different.

Magnus never had a favourite gender. He loves the softness of women and the harder lines of men just the same. But there is a bolting thought in his head that he will be forever spoilt for everyone else by one Alexander Lightwood. He could just lay with him for hours.

Well, he does. Later, after Alec cooked them spaghetti Alfredo and they fell asleep cuddling in front of the tv.

When Magnus wakes up in the early morning hours he finds himself tugged in a blanket and a note lying on his coffee table.

_Thank you for the wonderful day. See you at work. Alexander_

Magnus smiles to himself. The day was wonderful indeed. No matter how often they touched sensitive topics they always found their way back to common ground. Not once did Alec gaslight him. Yes, it shows how fucked up Magnus' former relationships were. Alec is just how a boyfriend should be, but in Magnus' experience this sets him apart from all partners he ever had.

Magnus rolls on his back, imagining Alec's warm body pressed to his. Magnus throws his arm over his eyes and groans. He wants to feel his ... Alec's hands on his skin, wants to know how Alec feels, tastes, and sounds while he's making love to him.

He can't believe that they kept their hands over the clothes and over the belt all day. He can't remember when was the last time this happened. Probably when he was a teenager.

How can Alec be so undemanding? He acts as if kissing and cuddling were enough. Magnus questions his own horniness. Keeping his partners happy in the bedroom was always a thing he could build on. And now there is Alec, who kisses him like Eros himself but doesn't even grab his perfect little buttocks.

How does one build a relationship without centring it around sex? Magnus has absolutely no clue.

_Guess, I'll find out soon._


	21. Chapter 21

Alec opens the passenger door for Magnus and snatches the car key out of his hands.

"Sneaky," Magnus laughs and kisses him before sitting down.

This week they spent the evenings at Magnus', except for Friday which was obviously reserved for Dot and movie night.

Alec wished he was invited, but he wouldn't beg for it. If Magnus needed some space and time away from him, that's just _fine_. At least that's what Alec said out loud. What he thought, on the other hand, was that 48 hours without kissing or touching Magnus was simply torture. 

But Magnus didn't seem to have the same problem. _Clingy my ass._ Magnus is the most independent, non-clingy person Alec knows and that includes Jace BMC (before meeting Clary).

Unfortunately, Alec sat home alone, trying hard to focus on a movie Magnus had highly recommended to watch. But even his huge love for Mozart's opus couldn't pin his attention to _Amadeus_.

After wasting time all Saturday, their date night finally arrives.

Alec grins while Magnus unsuccessfully tries to coax out of him where they are heading to. They find a parking space in a side street and walk a few minutes before Alec pulls him to the entrance of the finest restaurant in town.

Magnus jerks to a halt. "Alec!"

His usual nickname off Magnus' tongue turns his insides into knots.

"What?" he asks more sharply than intended.

"You do not honestly want to get dinner with me here?"

"But of course. Why not?"

"Didn't you say that your trust fund is frozen?"

"Yes, why?"

Magnus pulls him to the side. He doesn't want to make a scene.

"I know the number on your paycheck and this establishment isn't exactly in your price range."

"I think it is my decision how I spend my money and I want to take my ... you out to a fancy-schmancy restaurant."

"Alec!"

"Don't Alec me, Magnus. I'm not a child."

What a great way to start a date! Alec looked forward to it the whole week and now he somehow messed up already. He's just never good enough.

Magnus tries to understand what this means. He doesn't take Alec for someone who would even enjoy eating in such a place.

"I know, I'm sorry," he tries to calm him. "Why do you want to take me out anyway? We could have just stayed in."

Alec shuffles his feet over the ground, kicking a loose stone to the side.

"That's what you deserve," he mumbles, his head resembling a tomato. 

"Oh, darling," Magnus says and takes Alec's cheeks into his hands. "I'm more than happy with hitting a burger joint or having take-out at your place. I don't need this. I need you, time with you."

"Sure," Alec says sarcastically. 

"What?"

"Nothing."

Magnus groans quietly. Why is Alec like this? There's something he's missing, but he doesn't know what. All he knows is that his ... damn it ... his _boyfriend_ is upset.

"Talk to me, Alec. There is nothing we can't figure out."

Alec's eyes don't meet his and realisation hits Magnus like a bucket full of ice water. His hands fall to his sides.

"Are you ashamed?"

Alec doesn't answer. He doesn't move either. Magnus might not be able to fully read Alec yet, but he knows the many faces of shame.

"Oh, darling," he says when he sees tears running over Alec's cheeks. "It's alright."

"No, it's not!" Alec hisses.

This isn't a discussion for the street.

"Let's go back to the car. We need to talk about this," Magnus pleads.

"We can talk in the restaurant. I have to pay anyway if the reservation fails."

Magnus thinks for a moment. "Okay, but we split the bill."

Alec nods. He brushes his tears away. This is so stupid. He's pathetic. Of course, Magnus knows that he is far below his level. He knows and he may not even care.

He straightens his jacket and hopes that his eyes don't betray him.

"After you," he says and Magnus sighs. 

At the table Alec pulls out the chair for him. Magnus smiles at him, but it is tight. Alec feels sick. Was that their first fight? What if they can't fix it?

They go through the motions of ordering and Alec suspects that Magnus chose the least expensive things on the menu, just like he himself did. Magnus doesn't want to shame him.

_Great, just great._

They sit in an uncomfortable silence.

"I am very sorry that I destroyed our first date," Alec finally says.

"It's our second and there is no need to apologise. But I think we should talk. Why do you think ... this," he gestures to the space around them, "is necessary?"

Alec fiddles with the serviette ring.

"You have style and refined taste. I know the people you keep company with, what is expected from someone dating a man like you. I once was part of the upper class. I can't take you to the movies and hit pizza hut afterwards."

"Why not? And don't say, because I deserve it. I'm not even sure I deserve being with _you_."

Alec huffs and rolls his eyes.

"Alexander. It's the kitchen situation all over again. We can't change who we are. But I don't think that this between us will work if you keep having hang-ups. I don't give a damn what society expects. I want to be with you. The surroundings aren't important."

"You seemed to deal without me just fine."

Magnus looks at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

Magnus closes his eyes. Does Alec really think that's true?

"I missed you every minute we were apart, Alexander."

"Sure you did. That explains your good night and good morning texts. Oh, wait. There were none. You didn't even read mine."

"My phone ran out of battery. I'm sorry. I really am."

Alec's cheeks burn crimson. He wants to believe Magnus. Wants to believe that he missed him. Wants to believe that he doesn't care how and where they spend their time together. 

"So, you're telling me, you'd be happy eating greasy pizza in my midget apartment, binge-watching 'Outlander'?"

Magnus chuckles. "Yes, I love me some well built Scottish lads. Although I wouldn't say no to learning what's under your kilt."

He grins over the rim of his wine glass and enjoys Alec's sheepish smile.

"Umm, you would?"

"Yes, very much so. But I wait until you're ready for that. Just tell me if that should require marriage. I might propose way earlier that way."

Alec laughs with all his heart, the tightness in his chest finally loosening.

"No, that won't be necessary. I sent my purity ring to Nadia Bolz-Weber. It's part of a vulva sculpture now."

Magnus nearly splutters his wine.

"What!?"

Alec chuckles. "Do you mean the fact that I wore a purity ring or that I sent it to a pastor who melted it together with 170 other rings and made it into a vulva?"

"Well, both are facts I hadn't anticipated," Magnus says, amusement clear in his voice, "Did your parents make you wear it?"

"No, not really. It was more a thing for girls to do. Purity culture always falls on the women, doesn't it? No, I thought that if I stayed a virgin until marriage, my gayness would just disappear. Not that it worked that way. My first boyfriend had one, too."

Alec snickers and something inside Magnus eases at the mentioning of an ex-boyfriend.

"I understand that you don't keep yourself 'pure' for marriage anymore?"

Alec shakes his head slowly. He holds Magnus' gaze through it and smiles mischievously.

Magnus answers with a cocked eyebrow and leans back in his chair.

"Good to know," he smirks and takes another sip of wine.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW. If you don't like smut, jump to the note at the end of the chapter for a summary.

_This is really happening!_

Magnus presses Alec against the door, kissing him breathless. His hands are brushing through Alec's hair. God, he needs this.

He hasn't been with anyone for more than two months now. This may not sound long, but for him it is.

He feels Alec's hands on his ass, pulling him closer. _Finally!_

Alec is such a good kisser, who the hell taught him that? Magnus wants to send them a gift basket. It doesn't matter, though, as long as he can feel these lips everywhere.

Alec kisses a line over his neck and sucks at his pulse point. _Fuck!_

Magnus is hard in an instant. "Bedroom?" he pants.

Alec breathes heavily, trying hard to gather his wits together. He swallows around the panic that is rising in his throat. 

Of course, Magnus wants sex. You don't need a bed for simply making out.

"Out of condoms," Alec presses out.

"I told you, I always have safe sex. What else is a wallet for? I never pay in cash."

Magnus dives into a deep kiss. He fears if they lose momentum, they won't ever make it to the bedroom. He might be right.

Alec moans into the kiss. He wants this so bad. But what if he messes it up?

The thought disappears immediately when he feels Magnus' hands on his belt buckle. His pants are around his feet only seconds later and Magnus' fingers explore the skin under his shirt and the hem of his briefs. The touch sends goosebumps over Alec's skin.

He should undress Magnus, too, shouldn't he? With shaking fingers Alec tries to open Magnus' pants while keeping on kissing. He can't.

Magnus smirks at him. "It's like riding a bike, Alexander. Don't you worry."

Oh, Alec worries. He worries _a lot_. It's his fallback mode. At the moment, he worries if he should tell his boyfriend - yes, they finally managed to clear up that point - that he never really had sex in his life, save a few handjobs.

Maybe he should, but then Magnus would probably take a step back and tell him they should go slow. But that's not what Alec wants. He waited so long, too long. He wants sex, now, with the most gorgeous man alive.

That's why he just hums and strips Magnus off his trousers, accidentally taking his boxers off at the same time.

"Oh, eager, I like that," Magnus grins and pushes Alec's briefs down, too.

Alec blushes, but it disappears under the red of his arousal. He pulls Magnus back into a kiss. They must look ridiculous. But this thought, too, is cast away when Magnus pushes him against the door once more and their cocks press together.

Alec groans. They need to lose the shirts asap.

With much calmer fingers he unbuttons Magnus' shirt, kissing the freed golden skin. Magnus' body is gorgeous, ripped, but not jacked. Just like Alec likes it.

He pushes the shirt off Magnus' shoulders and enjoys the endless miles of naked skin in front of him.

"Like what you see?" Magnus asks and Alec wants to kiss the smirk off his face. Magnus is so confident, seems so at home in his body. Alec envies him.

He is too breathless to answer Magnus' question, so he just nods.

Magnus undoes the buttons of Alec's shirt blazingly fast and scans his body with hungry eyes.

"Like ... like what you see?" Alec stutters, scolding himself inwardly.

Magnus' grin softens to a warm smile and he leans in for a tender kiss.

"Very much so, Alexander. If you don't want me to fuck you against this door, you should really show me your bedroom, though."

Alec shudders. The mere thought of Magnus just taking him right here and now makes his cock twitch in anticipation.

But he doesn't want to have his first time in his tiny hallway. No.

"Grab the condom and I'll show you," he says with more confidence in his voice than he's really feeling.

Magnus does as ordered and holds several little foil packages triumphantly into the air. Why the hell would they need more than one?

Alec pushes the thought away and walks to his bedroom, trying to not think about the fact they are both naked as the day of their birth. 

"Nice," Magnus says, scanning the room.

He puts the condoms on the bedside drawer and walks over to Alec who tries his best not to fidget. He calms down when Magnus runs his hands from his shoulders to his hips.

"You are beautiful," he whispers and Alec blushes under his gaze. The atmosphere is different than in the hallway. Arousal is still palpable, but it's not just lust now. There is tenderness and longing, too.

Alec brushes his hands over Magnus' torso to his neck and pulls him into a soft kiss. 

Magnus walks him backwards to the bed until they fall down on it. The older man chuckles. No matter how often he did this before, it's different this time. This isn't just someone for one night. This is Alec and he looks so vulnerable and trustful that Magnus can't bear the thought of messing this up.

He kisses the small frown off Alec's forehead and peppers kisses down his neck and over every inch of skin he can get his mouth on. Alec smells and tastes delicious, sweet, and musky, and like coming home. 

Alec literally vibrates under Magnus' ministrations and tries to not come right on the spot. Well, that would be embarrassing. The fear helps him cool down a little, though.

What doesn't help is that Magnus touches his cock and strokes it lightly to full erection and that he rolls a condom over it. Magnus said he wanted to fuck him, why would he ...?

_Oh!_

With awe he sees how Magnus goes down on him. It's all too much to control himself and his hips roll upwards out of their own accord. Magnus simply moves with him, the old pro that he is. How many other men did he give a blowjob? It doesn't really matter, but - again - the thought helps Alec to cool down a little.

What a shitty way to cut back your arousal, thinking about your boyfriend's exes.

Alec puts his arm over his eyes. He can't believe that Magnus really wants him this way, wants to pleasure him like this.

Alec tries to keep quiet, but Magnus makes this difficult. His tongue, his lips, his whole mouth feel like heaven. Alec bites his lower lip.

"Uh-uh," Magnus says around his cock and pulls off. He pushes himself up and hovers over Alec.

"No hiding, darling, I want to see and hear you."

Alec peaks out behind his arm.

"So, while I'm up here, I'd like to know your preferences. Are you a top or a bottom or a switch like me?"

Alec's brain short-circuits. Obviously, he can't answer that. But he read enough Destiel fanfiction to know that bottoming is a delicate thing and for his first time being on top might be better.

"I very much would like to fuck you."

"Oh, so polite," Magnus grins and Alec snickers, finally venting a little of his nervousness.

"Do you have lube or do we take mine?"

"Umm, I think I should ..." Alec rolls on his stomach and rummages in his bedside drawer. He's pretty sure he put it in there last week.

While he's pushing the stuff around he just hopes that Magnus doesn't see his toys. But the man is way too occupied with kissing his back and only stops when he hears the telltale sound of the opening of a plastic bottle.

Alec's hands are shaking. God, he is so nervous. What if he hurts Magnus? What if he does something wrong? Reading and watching gay porn only takes you so far.

Alec turns on his back and tries to sound nonchalant when he asks, "Can I watch you opening yourself up?"

Magnus looks at him in confusion. Why wouldn't Alec do this himself? Internalised homophobia? Does he think it's too dirty down there? Simple fear of STDs?

Magnus knows they need to talk about it, but he's way too horny to do this now. He wants Alec inside of him.

"Okay," he says and sinks into the cushions. If Alec wants a show, he will give him one. Maybe it's a kink of his.

Magnus puts his rings on the bedside table and opens himself up slowly, teasing his rim and watches the arousal dilating Alec's beautiful eyes. Magnus enjoys it more than he thought he would. Alec focuses on him like watching the 8th wonder of the world.

Magnus lets out a little gasp when his fingers brush over his prostate and Alec moans in answer. How can it be so hot to finger yourself in front of your boyfriend?

"I'm ready," Magnus says after a short while. He likes a little burn and he isn't a patient man.

Alec nods, but doesn't move.

"Do you want me to beg for your cock?" Magnus asks half-serious. For Alec, he totally would.

"No, of course not!"

Alec moves between his legs. Wasn't there something about putting a cushion under the ass to get a better angle?

Alec takes one and raises a questioning eyebrow. Magnus nods and lifts his hips. Alec is sweet and Magnus is happy that they'll be face to face. Doggy style is okay with one-offs, but that's not how he imagined his first time together. The thought that Alec wants to see him, too, spreads warmth in Magnus' chest. He can't remember the last time that he felt this kind of anticipation before sex.

Alec lays down on Magnus, searching his lips to connect with him again. Watching him was hot, no question. But this is not about losing his virginity. He wants to make love to Magnus, no matter how sappy that might sound.

They kiss for minutes. Alec can't get enough of these lips. Magnus just tastes so good.

"Get inside me, please," Magnus moans into his mouth. "Need to feel you."

_Okay, now or never._

Alec sinks into the tight heat. He tries to do it slowly, but that's more difficult than he thought. Magnus pants underneath him.

"Am I hurting you?" Alec asks worriedly. 

"Only in the right way. Don't fret." 

Alec huffs out a strangled laugh. "I always worry, especially about you."

Magnus brushes a hand through his hair. "I have no complaints so far."

Alec has the distinct feeling that he is making this more difficult than it should be.

"Just enjoy it," Magnus breathes.

"I do, I do," Alec moans sinking deeper and deeper until he is fully inside.

"Haven't bottomed for a while. Just give me a sec," Magnus hisses through his teeth. Alec is bigger than he thought. 

Both men are panting and keeping still for a moment or two. Alec peppers Magnus with kisses wherever his mouth can go without moving his body. He's secretly thankful for the break. He doesn't know how long he will last anyway. This could become an embarrassingly short thing.

"You feel so good inside me," Magnus praises and Alec hides his face in his shoulder. "You can move," Magnus half-whispers. Alec pushes himself up and complies.

It's so intense. The warm pressure around his cock, the sounds from Magnus underneath him who seems to enjoy himself - how is he meant to last this way?

Magnus looks so beautiful like this - eyes closed, lips parted.

Alec really does his best to starve his climax, but he already feels warmth collecting low in his guts. He needs to stop moving or it will be over soon.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. You're just so tight. I won't last long."

Magnus chuckles. "That's alright, darling."

Alec shakes his head. "I want you to come first." Stubbornness was always one of Alec's strengths. 

Magnus chuckles again. Alec is just perfect. "If you insist," he says and takes his cock in his hand, pleasuring himself. The picture alone brings Alec nearly over the edge.

"God, you're so hot!" he moans and starts moving again. 

His mind clouds more and more over the closer he gets to the edge. His arousal is nearly unbearable.

Magnus clenches around him and Alec can't hold back any longer. He comes with Magnus' name on his lips, his boyfriend following him closely.

Alec collapses on top of him, ignoring the stickiness between them. He feels Magnus' hand and lips in his hair.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asks.

Why wouldn't he be? _Oh._ When did he start crying? _Damn it!_

"Sure, sorry," he says and buries his face in Magnus' shoulder. If he didn't mess up before, he seems to have managed it on the home stretches.

"Talk to me," Magnus says softly.

Alec pulls out of him and sits down at the edge of the bed.

"What is there to talk about?"

"When my boyfriend cries after sleeping with me for the first time, I would really like to know why."

Magnus' voice is so tender and Alec wants to yell at him why he's staying so calm. This for sure was the worst sex of Magnus' life.

Uncontrollable sobbing bursts out of Alec and Magnus is at his side in the split of a second.

A thousand possibilities why his boyfriend is acting like this run through his head, one worse than the other.

"What is it?" Magnus needs to know.

"Just me, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, the disaster gay."

Magnus chuckles and pulls him into his side.

"What exactly was the disaster part? I seem to have missed it."

Alec looks at him shyly.

"I didn't get you off."

Magnus frowns. "Your exes may have been different, Alexander, but not everyone can come on a cock. I often need extra stimulation. Maybe when we learn more about what turns us on, it will work, but even if not, what's the big deal? I came with you inside me and I enjoyed it very much. What about you?"

Alec doesn't know what to say. Of course, he did. But it was his first time and he thought he blew it.

The silence stretches too long.

"You didn't?" Magnus sounds disappointed, no, defeated.

Alec shakes his head frenziedly. "I did, way too much. It was so intense, I couldn't keep myself from coming."

Magnus sighs in relief and presses a kiss to Alec's temple.

"Why the tears then? After coitus blues?"

Alec shakes his head. Magnus runs his hand soothingly over his back.

Alec gets up and walks to his bathroom to throw away the condom and find a washcloth to clean up the mess.

Magnus follows him. Alec cleans Magnus' stomach and gingerly wipes off the lube between his cheeks.

Magnus pulls him into his arms. He doesn't know what to say. The sex was good, they both got off. Why is Alec so sad? It wasn't perfect but which first time is? Okay, Magnus hit it off better with many people before, but those don't count. They weren't Alec.

He wants him to know that whatever is going on in his mind doesn't change Magnus' feelings for him. To hell with holding back and not being clingy!

"I love you," he whispers, because it is true.

"You don't need to say this to make me feel better," Alec murmurs into his neck.

Magnus pulls back and brushes his fingers softly through Alec's hair.

"I would **never** say these words if I didn't mean them. I'm just not the waiting-for-the-perfect-moment type. I say it when I feel it, and I feel it now. You don't have to say it back. I don't want you to say it until you feel it, Alexander. But I want you to know that I love you and I loved the sex we just had."

He kisses him tenderly and when Alec's lips finally curl up in a small smile, he turns to find his boxers somewhere discarded on the floor. Alec watches him leaning in the bathroom door.

"Magnus?"

His boyfriend turns around and Alec gives him a gingerly smile.

"I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus have sex for the first time, without Magnus knowing that Alec is still a virgin. Nothing bad happens, but Alec has an emotional breakdown afterwards. He's still not talking about his reasons, still, Magnus tries to comfort him.
> 
> Magnus tells him that he loves him and that he's not one to hold back saying it when he's feeling it. Alec tells him that he loves him, too.


	23. Chapter 23

Alec nuzzles into Magnus' chest. "I'd like to introduce you to my siblings. Well, you know Izzy, but Jace can't wait to meet you. I told them they needed to wait until we're officially boyfriends."

Magnus chuckles underneath him and brushes his fingers through Alec's hair.

"That's what I get for telling you that I love you? A speed ticket to meeting the family?"

Alec raises his head and cocks an eyebrow. "I could take you to a real family dinner if you prefer. My parents haven't given up on me yet." 

"As much as I would love to see their faces, I prefer the other option."

"I thought so," Alec grins.

"Do you have something on your mind?"

"I know that they have a double date tomorrow. I could ask if they mind us joining them."

"Sure, let's get this over with," Magnus says and pulls him into a kiss.

* * *

The little Indian place is fully to Magnus' taste. He loves the mix of kitsch and beautiful décor, and the food is excellent. He understands why it's one of the Lightwood siblings' favourites.

As always, conversation comes easy to Magnus and Alec can't help but smile about how good his boyfriend fits into their little group.

Everyone is enjoying themselves, Jace maybe a little too much. He isn't bad when he has one or two too many, but his brain-mouth-barrier is weakened dramatically. Alec braces himself for embarrassing childhood stories galore. 

"... and then he kissed him under the mistletoe and he nearly puked in the punch."

"I had the flu, you dumbass!"

Jace shrugs his shoulders. "I knew that day that you would die an old virgin."

Alec rolls his eyes dramatically. 

"Though I guess I don't have to worry about that any longer," Jace winks at Magnus.

Izzy slaps him hard on his arm.

"What? It's not a secret, is it? We all know."

"Shut up, Jace," Clary scolds him, clearly annoyed.

Alec is as pale as death. He could kill his brother right now. He feels Magnus' gaze on him. _Great, just great._

"I did an audition for 'The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged)'. I think my chances aren't too bad," Meliorn says out of the blue. Alec gives him a thankful smile.

"I saw that in Detroit. Great fun, but a lot of pressure, isn't it?" Clary jumps at the change of subject.

* * *

Alec sinks into the passenger seat and steels himself for the fight that is sure to come.

Magnus sits silently behind the wheel for a while.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He doesn't sound angry, more ... sad.

"I ... I didn't want you to think less of me."

Magnus shakes his head. "There's nothing wrong about being a virgin, Alexander. I could have taken care of you, made things easier for you."

Magnus is angry at himself. Why didn't he check in more? Why didn't he ask why Alec wanted the things the way they went? They should have talked before taking this step, but he was only thinking with his cock and now Alec connects sex with shame. Magnus could slap himself.

"I didn't want your pity," Alec murmurs and he sounds so small that it breaks Magnus' heart.

"Did I ever pity you?" he asks with a sigh.

"No, but I feared you would. Like everyone else. As if sex is the only way to adult. For once I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to be on eye level with you, which is obviously stupid thinking about the experience you have. I thought ... maybe this could be the final deal-breaker for you."

Magnus takes a deep breath. There is so much fear in Alec, so much self-loathing. Magnus never thinks about it because he sees Alec so very differently. He needs to be more careful. 

Alec never had an adult relationship. He doesn't know how to be with someone who loves him for exactly who he is. Magnus doesn't either and maybe Alec should know that, should know that they are in the same boat.

But before he can voice his thoughts, Alec continues, "There is such a huge imbalance between us. You're my boss, you're experienced in sex and relationships, and ... God, do you have any idea how long it took me to find a host gift for you? I had to go to my storage where I keep the last bottles of booze that were too good to pour away.

"And without using my family name I wouldn't even have gotten the reservation for yesterday. I ... I just don't know what I'm bringing to the table, what it is that makes **you** want to be with me."

Magnus cradles Alec's chin softly between his fingers and moves it so that they face each other.

"Yes, I am your boss. That's a delicate thing to handle, but I thought we did pretty well last week. Dot is your main superior now and I am sure that we both are professional enough to work together even if we should have private disputes.

"About the other things: I absolutely do not care about gifts or expensive restaurants, or anything like that. You bless me with deep conversations, closeness, time, attention.

"Alexander, in the 9 days that we are together now, you've given me more than Camille in four fucking years. It's stupid how happy you make me. My friends nearly threw me out of my own house because I couldn't stop talking about you, yesterday."

A little smile tugs on Alec's lips.

"I understand that this is all new for you, but you're new for me, too. We're just getting to know each other. We need to talk things out, especially when it is something you or I never experienced before. I want this ... us to work. I want us to be happy together, and we don't need to have sex for that, okay?"

Alec nods and gives him a full smile. The tightness in Magnus' chest eases. He grabs Alec's hand and places a soft kiss on his knuckles.

"Okay. But no more secrets. They can break things so easily. I don't mean that you need to tell me everything, but when it concerns the way we treat each other, I really want to know."

Alec nods. "I'm sorry."

"I know, darling. And I'm sorry that I didn't realise earlier how you're feeling. Just ... Do you regret last night?"

Alec tilts his head to catch Magnus' gaze. "No. Disregarding the crying part, I think it was ... nice and I want to do it again. Maybe without the pressure, I put on myself. "

Alec smiles sheepishly and Magnus can't help but kiss him. Alec, the natural that he is, kisses him back until the lack of oxygen makes Magnus light-headed. He leans their foreheads together.

"Let's get you to bed," Magnus says with clear arousal in his voice, "I need to make good for what you missed out on last night."

Alec doesn't really understand what Magnus means, but he gets it when his boyfriend worships his body later that night, shows him how he likes to touch him and be touched. They talk a lot during it. It's fun, relaxed, and hot as hell.

When Alec comes and the tears are floating freely again, it's tears of happiness, ease, and joy. Magnus catches him when he comes down from his high, and Alec feels safe and loved.

But the most beautiful part of the night is waking up the next morning with a snorting boyfriend at his side, kissing him awake, and learning that the man may be a morning grouch, but he's also a sap and gives him the first coffee he made, before sleepily leaning into his side, and murmuring how unfair it is that they have to go to work, separately at that.

When Magnus kisses him goodbye and Alec pulls him in his arms one last time, he knows that with him he can truly be himself and that happiness isn't an alien concept anymore.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone celebrating:  
> Merry Christmas! 🎄🌠🎁

"Tell me your secret, dude. You're glowing!" Simon says and grins over their desks. "You're not pregnant, are you?"

Alec chuckles in response.

"Come on, what's making you smile all the time? Who stole the frown from your pretty face?"

Alec shakes his head. "That's none of your business."

Simon grunts. "I just want to hear a juicy story. Since I'm pregnant ..."

"Too much information, Si," Alec interrupts him, but he smiles. "How's the Mayer case going? You've been in court this morning, right?"

"They refused to grant bail. Magnus fought hard, but the judge is a total dick! Seemed not very queer-friendly. I might step back when I start showing."

"That sucks!"

"Yeah. So, no juicy details about your weekend activities to cheer me up?"

"Nope."

"You're the worst!"

"And you love me for it."

Simons rolls his eyes and returns to his work. He's really a great guy. Alec can totally see them becoming good friends.

Alec smiles to himself. Did he really change over just a few days? Is his happiness so obvious? He really must be careful. Simon is clearly onto him.

"Tea?" he asks and Simon nods thankfully. 

Walking to the kitchen he passes by Dot's office. The door stands wide open and Alec's eyes look inside of their own accord.

He sees Magnus leaning into her. She has her hand in his hair and the other strokes over his back. Alec jerks to a halt. What is happening? Does Magnus need to be comforted?

All his worries are gone when Magnus raises his head off her shoulder and laughs. It leaves Alec confused and before the two can see him, he bolts away.

No, he can't be jealous. He mustn't. But his whole body feels on fire and not in a good way.

Alec presses the buttons of the coffee maker forcefully. He needs to get a grip on his feelings. _They are just friends_ , he repeats like a mantra in his head.

Maybe it wouldn't be so difficult if he were this close to his own friends, but Lydia aside, he never was that physical with them. It took way too long for Jace's taste until Alec hugged Clary spontaneously.

On his way back he meets Magnus in the corridor and - alone with him like that - his boyfriend gives him a wide smile. Alec smiles back uneasy and Magnus' face does something complicated, a mix of confusion, hurt, and concern.

Alec can't look at him and hurries to his office. 

"Did a vampire attack you at the tea aisle?" Simon jokes, "You look exsanguinated, dude."

Alec fakes a smile. "Nah, I'm good."

Simon shakes his head, but doesn't interrogate him further.

Alec tries to focus on the file in front of him, but his mind wanders. He doesn't want to be like that. Magnus explained Dot's and his arrangement and in theory, it sounded good. But in reality, it kind of hurts that Dot gets to touch him whenever she wants to and Alec can't. 

Yes, it's his choice and even if they were open about their relationship, Alec would refrain from public displays of affection in the workplace.

_No more secrets._

Should he discuss his feelings with Magnus? Maybe it would help? More likely it will make him look needy, greedy even. Who is jealous of their partner's friends? Alec is and he hates himself for it.

When Magnus' secretary calls him to come over he just feels sick, but he can't say 'no' to his boss, can he?

He hovers over the threshold to Magnus' office.

"You wanted to see me?"

Magnus doesn't look up from the papers in front of him

"Alec, yes. Come in, close the door behind you."

All pretence leaves Magnus when he hears the door click closed.

"Are you alright, Alexander?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"We agreed on staying under the radar, but you looked at me like ... Did I do something wrong?"

Alec shakes his head no but doesn't meet his eyes. Magnus walks over to him and takes his hand.

"Sorry, it's ... it's difficult," Alec murmurs.

"Yes, it is. But in a few hours, it's over. We can do this."

Alec really doesn't want to act childish or bitter. If they didn't work together he wouldn't see his boyfriend either. He is just jealous and he needs to get a grip.

"Was that why you called me? Because I have to finish something with a deadline, so ..."

Magnus scrutinises him. Alec hates that. He feels like a bug under a microscope.

"No, go on. Do you come over tonight?"

As if a universe existed in which he wouldn't.

"Of course," he says and smiles a little forcefully. Magnus deserves so much better than him.

Alec presses a quick peck on his boyfriend's cheek and leaves. Magnus stares at the door for a long time.

Something is off, he can feel it. With Alec, it's always two steps forward and one backwards. How can he make him talk when something is bugging him?

* * *

Alec really tries to shake off his feelings. They aren't helping. But then Friday morning comes and with it nearly two days without Magnus. This time Alec was smart enough to fix a date. He won't sit around, pining pathetically for his own boyfriend. At least not all of the time.

In the back of his mind Alec knows that this is healthy, that you shouldn't only depend on your significant other. But he wished Magnus wouldn't be so enthusiastic about his brunch date with Lydia. He'll still sit alone in his apartment on a Friday night because his boyfriend watches a rom-com with his cuddle buddy. It's just not fair!

* * *

Dot pets Chairman Meow. "Do you like your daddy's new boyfriend?" she murmurs.

Magnus walks in with the charcuterie board. "Of course. I wouldn't date him if he didn't."

Dot grins. "Well, your daddy is very lucky then. How is it going, Magnus?"

"Fine, I guess. We hit some bumps in the road."

"Already? You should still be in the honeymoon phase!"

"We are. It's just ... I don't think I should talk with you about it. You're his boss. It's enough that I know about his hang-ups. It's important that you can stay professional with him."

"Is that why you didn't invite him to movie night?"

"No, this is our time, Dorothea."

Dot gives him a wide smile. "No offence, Mags, but don't you think it's weird to abandon your new boyfriend to spend the night with your ex cuddling on the sofa?"

"I don't think it's weird." _And he doesn't know you're my ex._

"And what does he think about it?" Dot inquires. 

Magnus blushes. "I didn't ask."

Dot sighs. "Because you're worried about his answer or because you don't care?"

Magnus shifts around on the sofa. "Neither. He's not the jealous kind."

Dot raises an eyebrow. "Everyone is jealous, especially when it's still fresh and new. He may not let it out on you, but that doesn't mean he's fine with this arrangement. What is he doing right now?"

Magnus' eyes grow wide. "I have no idea. God, I'm an awful boyfriend."

"A fault confessed is half redressed," Dot muses.


	25. Chapter 25

_I hope you had a nice evening. Miss you. Sleep well, darling. 😘_

Alec wants to laugh. Yeah, he had a 'nice' evening, working through a pro bono case of child abuse and neglect, all because a teenager says that he's gay and his parents 'disagree'. 

Magnus offered that he could do it as part of his paid time, but Alec refused. The firm has enough local cases in its pro bono program.

_Sleep well, Magnus. Love you. 💕_

Alec looks at the clock. 2.13 am. He wonders if Magnus sleeps wrapped around a pillow or Dot.

It wouldn't bug him as much if Magnus were gay. But he isn't. He isn't a cheater either, but tell that Alec's stupid, jealous heart. It just doesn't care that Alec trusts him.

He groans. He needs to talk about it. Maybe tomorrow with Lydia. Would that be weird? Not weirder than talking it through with Izzy, he concludes. He needs to get it out of his system.

* * *

"Of course jealousy is normal. The question is what you do with it," Lydia says, "If there is general trust, just talk with him about what makes you uncomfortable. And if there is no trust, then there are more difficult questions to ask, because, without trust, no relationship can work."

Alec nods.

"I trust him and he says he misses me, but ... I seem to be exchangeable. It's not that I grudge him the time with his friends. It's just that I know that he is physically close to this one friend. He was totally upfront about it and I don't want to take this away from her."

Lydia smiles at her friend. He always wants the people he cares about to be happy, sadly even if it is on his dispense. 

"I think this has several layers, Alec. He talked about what they are doing. In detail?"

"No, more in general terms. He gave me an article to read."

"Okay, Alec, if I know one thing about you then it is that your smart brain can go in overdrive when left to its own devices. I suppose you're picturing what they are doing, right?"

Alec blushes. "Yeah."

"And did you check if that's what is really happening?"

"No."

Lydia sighs. "Then talk to him. I'm sure it's not half as bad as you think. And if something happens between them that you don't agree on, then you should discuss it. It's as easy as that.

"About the other point: Is Magnus exchangeable just because you're here with me?"

"No, but ..." he trails off.

She laughs. "...you wouldn't be here if he were free."

Alec looks at her apologetically. 

"That's okay, Alec. I get it. Maybe your boyfriend just needs these spaces. I have my book club, John goes fishing, we both spend time apart with our own friends. Not every week, though. That sounds really intense. Did he invite you to one of their brunches?"

Alec shakes his head no.

"And that's okay with you?"

"I'm ... I'm not sure. He's not hiding me, if that's what you think. We'll meet his oldest friend and her daughter tomorrow."

"I'm relieved to hear that."

* * *

Cat shakes his hand with a warm smile. Alec is nervous. This must be how others feel when they meet their in-laws.

"It's so good to meet you, Alec. Magnus doesn't stop talking about you."

Alec chuckles self-consciously.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Cat. And who might you be?" he asks the little girl at her side and kneels down to be on eye level with her. 

Cat wants to answer for her, knowing she's quite shy, but her daughter whispers, "My name is Madzie."

"That's a beautiful name, Madzie. It fits you well. My name is Alec."

"Uncle Magnus!" she screams and Alec holds his aching ear that was way too close to her mouth.

"Sweet Pea!" Magnus shouts from behind him and Alec laughs.

"I guess I'm written off."

"That depends how willing you are to play her horse," Cat grins.

"Oh, I was the best horse in my brother's stable," Alec snickers.

It's a lovely sunny day and Cat settles with Magnus on the deckchairs on his patio while Alec romps around with Madzie in the garden.

"He's good with children," Cat states.

"He basically raised his youngest brother," Magnus explains. "Their parents aren't exactly warm and fuzzy."

"And how is he?"

Magnus sighs. "Very generous with others, hard-arsed on himself."

"You're talking too much with Ragnor. He rubs off on you," she chuckles.

"I am not amused, dearest Catarina," Magnus snickers.

"You're looking really good, Magnus. Really good."

Magnus cocks an eyebrow. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"I mean that Alec seems to be good for you. I mean, I've seen you on good and bad days, but now you're glowing, especially with him around."

Magnus smiles and nods in agreement.

"It feels as if I've known him for ages. I mean he has his hang-ups and I have mine, but we're working on our communication. It's going well."

"Does he know about your childhood?"

Magnus shakes his head. "He knows that I grew up in foster care."

Cat hums. "When will you tell him?"

"I don't know. In all honesty, I don't want to."

"Magnus, we both know that it will catch up with you sooner or later. He's your boyfriend. He should know."

Cat watches Alec lying on his back with little monster Madzie on his belly, she growling, he giggling.

"I guess I need to buy him new clothes," Cat laughs, "These grass stains will never come off."

She looks at Magnus who's staring into the distance. She squeezes his hand.

Magnus exhales sharply. He doesn't want to burst the bubble of happiness they just created. The last time he shared his story it exploded into his face. But this isn't Camille. Alec won't use it against him. At least he hopes he won't.


	26. Chapter 26

"May I ask you something?" Magnus murmurs, running his fingers over Alec's broad, hairy chest.

"If it's not a difficult question. My brain isn't fully back online yet," he chuckles.

Magnus grins. Yeah, they became pretty good at screwing each other's brains out.

"I just thought, maybe we should talk about Dot's and my arrangement."

Alec tenses underneath him.

"And you thought this was the right moment to drop the question?" he asks and Magnus feels Alec's heartbeat speeding up under his ear.

"Better than before or during sex, don't you think?" he asks, but the joke falls flat.

Alec pushes himself up and leans against the headboard. He knows that he's a coward. He should have started this discussion days ago.

"Okay, let's talk."

Magnus leans into his side and presses a kiss to his cheek. "We don't need to."

"No," Alec mumbles, "I think we really should."

"I ...," Magnus plays with the rings on his hands, a telltale sign of how nervous he is, "I thought that she and I could just keep everything the way it was. But I never really asked your opinion about it."

Alec nods, working his jaw.

"I didn't mean to hurt you and if I did, I'm truly sorry," Magnus says softly.

"Well, it kind of stings to sit alone in my apartment while you do who knows what with someone else."

"I told you what we do." Magnus tries to stay calm, but a mix of anger and fear bubble up in his chest.

"Only in an abstract way," Alec retorts, "It's hard to fall asleep in your empty bed when you're wondering if your boyfriend is sharing his."

"I would never cheat on you!" Magnus replies indignantly.

"I wasn't implying that. I meant it in the literal sense. It's difficult for me to see you two so close."

Magnus knits his brow together. "See?"

"I saw you in Dot's office the other day, how she held and touched you. It looked intimate and maybe I'm just a needy, jelly bastard, but it hurt."

Alec's cheeks are flushed with shame. He's never been as open and vulnerable with another person as he is right now and maybe it's the thing that will tip the scale against his favour.

Magnus tries to pinpoint the situation Alec is talking about and then he remembers. 

"I get why it looked that way to you and I suppose that it can be seen as inappropriate when you are in a relationship."

"I don't want to take this away from you or her. Perhaps I just need to get my mind out of the gutter."

"No matter how we touch each other, there is nothing sexual between Dot and me, I promise, Alexander. That's all in the past."

Alec's eyes grow wide. "You've been together? You never told me that! When? For how long?"

"What difference does it make?" Magnus asks defensively. He knows it does, otherwise, he surely would have mentioned it earlier.

Alec laughs hysterically, jumps off the bed, and brushes his hand through his hair to try to calm himself. 

"What difference does it make? You can’t seriously ask that!" he is almost shouting now. "How would you feel if I cuddled up in bed with Jimmy? Wouldn’t you imagine us getting a bit nostalgic?"

Magnus puffs out a laugh. What a ridiculous thing to ask.

"We know for a very long time that we work better as friends."

"Really? Okay, tell me something," Alec speaks a little louder than usual, "Touch is important. I get that. I didn't know how much I was starved of it until we got together. I get that you two have a no-sex-agreement, and I trust you to keep it that way.

"But look at what the two of you are doing, especially how Dot touches you, and tell me that these are all innocent, platonic things. Tell me, that Dot doesn't look at you longingly sometimes and touches you more in the office than she did before we were a couple."

Magnus is taken aback. Is this only Alec's jealousy talking or does it hold a shred of truth?

Dot was always more intense with her touches. For him, it was enough to cuddle or to brush a hand over her arm or back. She often cards her hand through his hair and caresses his face. It felt good so he never complained. Does she still harbour feelings for him? But why did she encourage him to be with Alec then? It doesn't make any sense.

"I don't want you to stop touching. I don't want to take this away from you. I just think that there are things that should be reserved for me now, like sharing your bed or touches that could be seen as sexual."

Magnus nods. Alec sits down on the edge of the bed.

"I trust you, Magnus, but I'm not sure if I can trust her. There is a reason why many at work still think that you and she are secretly a couple. And hearing that gossip isn't exactly easy on me."

"I didn't know, Alexander. Really. I'm sorry." Magnus clears his throat. "Do the employees really think that Dot and I are together?"

"We literally bet on it and let's say, I will be one of the very few who'll win."

Magnus can't wrap his head around this news. "What exactly makes it look like it?"

"The way she ogles your ass would be one, I guess, or the way you use her lap as a cushion."

"Fuck."

"Hey, I get it. I would have taken you any way you were willing to give yourself to me. I can't blame her. But it needs to stop. I just can't ..."

"I get it. I'm sorry. I guess I need to talk with her and we should stop movie night."

"No, that's not what I'm asking for. But maybe move it to another day of the week? I would love to sleep in and cuddle you on the weekends."

Magnus chuckles, takes Alec's hand, and presses a kiss on his knuckles.

"That's a fair argument. What about the Saturday brunches?"

"That's your time with your friends. I don't want to impose," Alec says and means it.

"Raph is a little wary about the dynamics of our group if someone new joins us."

"I get that. But I'd like to meet him and Ragnor. They are your family after all. And after passing Cat's test I'm no longer afraid to die under their interrogation."

Magnus chuckles. God, he loves this man!


	27. Chapter 27

"Alec, Magnus' office. Now!"

Dot hangs up and Alec's heart is in his throat. She didn't sound good.

He runs, ignoring the strange looks of his co-workers. Magnus' secretary keeps nosy people away from the corridor leading to Magnus' office, but she lets Alec through.

He finds Dot and Simon standing in front of the door. Simon cards his hand nervously through his hair and Dot is speaking through the door.

"What the hell happened!?" Alec asks, his voice just short of shouting. The authoritative sound seems to ground the fidgeting Simon who stops still in his movement.

"I have no idea. Magnus was cross-examining a witness for the prosecution. Then he suddenly paled, came to me and said that I needed to step in."

"When he came back, he locked the door. He doesn't answer me. I'm trying for quite some time to get him to say something. I thought you might get through to him," Dot says, her voice tight with worry.

"Why Alec?" Simon asks. Dot and Alec bandy looks.

"Si, under the pledge of secrecy? You need to promise to keep this to yourself."

"Of course. Cross my heart and hope to die."

Alec nods. "I'm his boyfriend." Simon's mouth falls open, but he stays silent. Dot moves away and Alec steps in front of the door. 

"Magnus, what happened? Can you tell me?" Magnus doesn't answer, but Alec can hear him moving around.

"Did this happen before?" Dot shakes her head no. "Magnus, we worry about you. Please, just answer so we know you're okay."

"Leave!" comes from the other side. Magnus' voice sounds strained.

"Please, Magnus, let me in," Alec pleads. There is a long stretched silence. Alec presses his ear to the door. He can hear Magnus pacing and mumbling.

"Brown wooden table, red couch, blue, white, yellow painting, ..." Magnus speaks about the furniture in his office. That doesn't make any sense. "Black coffee table, black desk chair, green plant, ..."

Realisation hits Alec like an ice shower and he closes his eyes. "Does Magnus have PTSD?"

Dot looks at him with wide eyes. She swallows hard. "Not that I would know of, but he went through childhood trauma. Maybe something triggered him."

"What was he asking when it started, Simon?" Alec asks.

"Umm."

"What?" Alec snarls.

"About our client's broken bones. The witness played them down, said that she might just be clumsy and that's why she fell down the stairs so often."

Alec shakes his head in acknowledgement.

"Dot, Magnus' mother is dead, right?" Dot nods. "How did she die?"

"Alec, it's not my place to tell you."

"How. did. she. die?" Alec is running out of patience rather quickly. His boyfriend might have a flashback or re-experiences something traumatic right now.

"She fell down the stairs and broke her neck."

Alec closes his eyes tightly. "Was his father involved?"

Dot swallows and nods. Alec struggles with the tears threatening to fall. He needs to be strong for Magnus. He can cry later for the little boy who may have watched his father kill his mother.

"Magnus, love, you're safe," he speaks through the door. "Everything's gonna be alright. You're doing so well. You don't need to go through this alone. Tell me what you see, Magnus. Please, let me hear your voice."

Magnus sounds still muffled behind the door, but his voice is louder. "Black telephone, red-brown fountain pen, ..."

"Si, bring me ice cubes from the kitchen and do you still have ginger chews?"

Simon nods and takes off. Alec returns his focus back on Magnus who is still listing things he can see.

"You're doing so well, love. Can you open the door for me?" The answering silence is deafening. _Think, Alec, think!_ "Do you have your anti-headache thing in there?"

"The roller?"

"Yes. Can you do me a favour? Roll it over your wrists and smell it. Can you do that for me?"

Alec can hear Magnus open a drawer. He's following his instructions. _Good._ Simon arrives back with a cup of ice cubes and the chews.

"I ... I could pick the lock," Simon offers. The other two give him a surprised look. "Don't ask."

They nod and Simon rolls up his sleeves and gets to work. It doesn't take long until the door clicks open.

Alec cautiously enters the room. Magnus sits on the sofa, holding his forehead in his hands, sniffling at his wrists.

Alec walks slowly to him and sinks to his knee in front of Magnus, refraining from touching him as yet.

"You're okay, you're safe. No-one will harm you," Alec coos. When Magnus stays calm at the sound of his voice, Alec softly tugs one hand off his face and folds it around one of the ice cubes. Magnus flinches. "Please hold this in your hand. It'll help you."

Magnus nods slightly.

"I am here, love. You're safe. I won't let anybody hurt you or the people you love. Do you understand me?"

A sob escapes Magnus' throat.

"I am here to protect you, Magnus. You're safe in your office. You are a grown man and you can defend yourself. He is not able to hurt you. We won't let him."

Magnus' eyes look clearer now and he fixes his gaze on Alec.

"Do you smell the peppermint?" Magnus nods.

"Do you feel the ice cube in your hand?" 

Magnus nods again. "It's fucking cold."

"Good," Alec chuckles and unwraps a ginger sweet, "Would you chew this for me?"

"Yes," Magnus croaks and opens his mouth. He flinches again when the hot chew touches his tongue. 

Alec brushes his knuckles over Magnus' cheek. "Can I hold you?" he asks softly.

After a moment Magnus nods and Alec rises to sit at his side. He pulls him tenderly into his arms. Magnus leans his head on Alec's shoulder and starts to sob. He doesn't stop for minutes and Alec holds him through it, brushes his hand soothingly over his back, and whispers encouragements into his hair.

Sometime during this, Dot closes the door, trusting Alec to know what to do.

"I'm sorry," Magnus hick-ups when he finally finds his voice again.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. PTSD can be triggered by many things."

"I really thought I had it under control. But ..."

Alec softly shushes him. "It's okay, love. These things just happen. But you had this before, right? You tried to get out of it by registering what's in your office."

Magnus nods. "Wasn't working well this time."

"But you did so well, focussing like that. You're so strong. I am proud of you."

"I made you wet," Magnus says, apologetically looking at the wet spots on Alec's clothes.

Alec chuckles. "That'll dry."

He brushes the sweat-soaked hair out of Magnus' face. "How are you feeling now?"

"Exhausted."

"Let's bring you home then. I call a cab. We can pick up your car tomorrow."

Alec moves to take his phone out of his pocket. 

"Don't leave me," Magnus pleads. 

Alec cradles Magnus' face in his hands and brushes his thumbs tenderly over his cheeks.

"Never," he promises.


	28. Chapter 28

Back in Magnus' house Alec fills the tub with water and his boyfriend's favourite bath salts, undresses him, and helps him get inside.

Alec cleans his face off the smudged make-up. When he's convinced that Magnus is well enough to stay alone for a few minutes, he fixes him a quick lunch of crackers, cheese, and grapes and feeds him by hand. Magnus is too exhausted to protest against being pampered like a baby.

After that, Alec washes his body with tender touches and his favourite products. Magnus would lie if he said he didn't like it. Alec is so soft and careful with him. Cat is right. He would make a great father.

What a strange thought, especially after what transpired today. Magnus never dreamt of kids of his own, was afraid to mess them up, but with Alec, he could totally see himself raising a family.

When Alec helps him out of the bathtub and he leans his head against his shoulder while his boyfriend dries his back, Magnus wonders how he got so lucky. And when Alec tugs him into bed and spreads the weighted blanket over him, he wished Alec would just lay on top of him instead.

"Don't leave," Magnus whispers.

"I told you, I'd never. Rest. I just check in with a few people and when you wake up, we can watch a movie and cuddle up on the sofa. How does that sound, hmm?"

"Perfect," Magnus mumbles, already halfway to dreamland.

Alec presses a kiss to his temple and watches how Magnus slides into sleep.

Alec takes a deep breath.

He sends a message to Dot, Simon, Izzy, and Cat. Then he checks in with his clients and postpones all appointments of the next day. Dot already gave green light for him to take off as long as Magnus needs him.

When he's done he lies down next to his boyfriend and watches him sleep, how his chest rises and falls as if everything was okay in the world.

What trauma does the other man carry with him every single day and still blesses the world with love and kindness?

When Magnus opens his eyes, Alec smiles at him and for a timeless moment Magnus is simply happy. Happy to be alive, to be loved, to be safe.

Then he remembers what brought them here and his heart starts aching. He couldn't tell Alec about it on his own terms. He didn't show him how broken he is underneath.

"I can hear you thinking," Alec says. "Everything's fine. Don't worry."

Magnus chuckles. "You and I are more alike than you think. I worry all the time, too."

Alec lifts the blankets, slips underneath, and pulls Magnus into his arms.

"Then let's worry together. What's on your mind?"

Magnus swallows hard. "That I didn't tell you about what happened to my mum."

Alec kisses his hair softly. "It was very traumatic and you weren't ready to share it yet. That's okay. I haven't told you everything either. Some things take time."

Magnus snuggles into Alec's chest.

"Thank you for understanding."

Alec brushes his fingers through Magnus' hair. How could he not?

"How much do you know?" Magnus whispers.

"That she fell down the stairs and that your father was somehow involved. Dot didn't want to tell me. Don't be mad at her. She just wanted to help."

"I'm not mad. You needed to understand. How did you know what was happening with me?" Magnus asks.

"When I was in Yale my roommate had an episode. He needed to be sedated. It was terrible. After that, I read everything I could get ahold of. I wanted to be prepared if anything like that would happen again. It did, twice, but I could help him through it without calling the ambulance."

Magnus kisses him for the first time since his breakdown and Alec sighs into it.

"You're such a kind man, Alexander."

"Says the kindest man I know," Alec speaks into his lips. "What do you need now?"

"The Golden Girls and a piece of the delicious cheesecake you baked yesterday."

Alec snickers. "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

After 2 hours of binge-watching Magnus presses 'stop' on his phone and sits up. Alec watches him carefully. 

"I want to introduce you to my mum," he says.

Alec looks at him with a questioning countenance.

"She's buried not far from here. I never brought someone to her grave, save Cat and Ragnor. It may sound stupid, but I want you to meet her."

Alec caresses his cheek. "That doesn't sound stupid at all. I'd love to visit her."

"Can we go now?" Magnus asks.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It's about time."

They dress and Magnus collects a few flowers from his garden. Then they call a cab to pick up his car from the company car park. But it isn't there.

"I can't remember how I came back," Magnus mumbles.

They find the car close to the courthouse where Magnus parked it in the morning.

"It's not unusual to have memory gaps during an episode. I'm just happy that you were mindful enough to not drive," Alec tries to comfort Magnus who is visibly upset.

"Let's go and see your mum."

It's only a ten-minute drive and when they walk over the graveyard Magnus hangs on Alec for dear life, his nails biting into the back of his boyfriend's hand. It's painful, but Alec doesn't say a word.

They find her grave in the far corner of the cemetery. A black and white photograph shows a smiling young woman.

"The picture was taken before she was married," Magnus explains.

He takes a barely withered bouquet of flowers out of an embedded vase and replaces it with the fresh ones.

Magnus sits down at the foot of the ledger that only shows her first name and the dates of her birth and death. Alec settles next to him.

"I was there when it happened. I watched her die. My father ran away. He was never brought to justice."

Alec pulls him into a side hug and presses a kiss to his temple. "I'm so sorry, Magnus."

Magnus nods silently and takes a deep breath.

"Mum, this is Alec. You know, my boyfriend who I told you about in the last weeks."

Alec smiles at that.

"Today I had my first episode in years. I thought I was 9 years old and I saw what my father did to you over and over again. I haven't hurt like that for a very long time, Mum. It was terrible. But Alec helped me get out of it.

"I wished you were here to get to know him, tell him all the stupid things I did as a child like the one time I climbed that tree in front of our house and you had to call the fire department to get me down again. Or when I didn't read the label and we put salt into my favourite cookies."

Magnus laughs and tears run over his face.

"Alec's making me really happy, you know. He's different, special. With him, I feel whole again. I never did since I lost you. But he's ... he's an angel. And I plan to keep him as long as he'll have me."

"That'll be forever then, Taman, because I love your son very much. He is the kindest, open-hearted person I know and I feel blessed to call him mine. I'm sure you're very proud of him."

Magnus presses a kiss to his cheek and turns back to the grave.

"When I was 6 or so, you told me that one day someone would come who would love my heart and soul. You were right, Mummy. You were right."

* * *

Back home they watch the sunset from the love seat on the patio.

"I always wondered why you don't have a single picture of your mum in your house," Alec murmurs into Magnus' hair.

His boyfriend smiles. "Because I created her a mausoleum right here in front of us."

"Meaning?"

"My mother's name means 'garden' and many of the plants here are of Indonesian origin. Every time I look out of the window or sit out here on the terrace I remember her, remember that the love she had for me still lives on inside of me."

Alec pulls him a little closer and nuzzles his face into Magnus' neck.

"I will always be thankful that she gifted me with you."


	29. Chapter 29

Izzy bangs her head repeatedly against the top of Magnus' dining table. She groans. Magnus looks at her in concern, but Alec just laughs.

"You are a bad brother, a bad, bad brother," Izzy mumbles.

Magnus' eyes flicker between the siblings. "Mind letting me know what is happening?"

Alec grins. "My sister agreed to family dinner with my parents and our brothers to welcome back Max, and I just reminded her that she convinced me last time to never join them again."

Izzy pouts. "I didn't know then that they would turn their matchmaking endeavour against me."

"What, Meliorn isn't good enough for them? I thought your mother enjoys the theatre," Magnus says sarcastically.

Izzy snorts. "For them, it must be someone with a university degree, but nothing with arts or gender studies and such, law prefered of course."

"At least they have intellectual requirements for your future husband. I wasn't that lucky."

"Don't kid yourself, hermano, studied people can be as dim as a glow worm's armpit."

* * *

"Our parents are nuts!" Izzy exclaims over the phone.

"Is that news to you?" Alec chuckles.

"They want to bring me back into the family business."

Alec frowns. "Seriously?"

"They offer me a majority co-leadership."

"Wow! That doesn't sound like them. Is there a reason for that?"

"Yes, Max will study medicine so I'm their only hope left, I guess. And ... well, they are getting divorced."

"What!?"

There are many things Alec could imagine his holier-than-thou parents to do, but getting a divorce isn't one of them.

"Yes, dad, cheated on Mum."

"Wow!" Alec needs a moment to process the information. "Is Mum okay?"

"Really, Alec? After all the shit she did to you, you worry about her?"

"She's still my mother," he grumbles. Maybe it's not exactly compassion, but he still feels sorry for her. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. 

"So, I guess, Mum is leaving the firm?"

"Kind of. She takes the Greenfield branch. So, she still keeps 1/4 of the company without working directly with Dad. He on the other hand wants to work less to have more time for his mistress, so technically they offer me half of the firm. I'm just not sure if I want it."

"It's a great opportunity, Izzy."

"Do you really think so?"

Alec is surprised that he truly believes this. Under the new circumstances, Izzy could thrive. No matter how much she likes working for Dot and Magnus, there are clear limits to what she can achieve in their firm.

"You and Dad always worked well together," Alec says, "You are his favourite child. I think you should make sure that you have the leverage to do the things you want and need to do. I don't think you want to leave everything as it is, do you?"

"Do you really think that working with Magnus didn't rub off at me? Of course, I want to change things. But it'll be tricky. Mum and Dad may not be on good terms right now, but they can still team up against me."

"I think there are ways to make sure they can't."

"Do you have something in mind, hermano?" Izzy asks, her grin audible through the phone.

* * *

Robert raises his glass. "We are very happy that a new generation is starting to leave its marks on 'Lightwood & Lightwood'. Isabelle has our full trust and she should have yours, too."

Izzy mingles with the employees at the reception. It's strange to be back here. But after weeks of working out the details of the company take-over, she tries to enjoy the calm before the storm. Because stormy it will be, even if her parents aren't aware of it yet.

It took a lot of digging and fine-tuning with Alec's and Magnus' help to get to this point. Magnus wasn't happy to see her go, but after she let him in on her plan - the _full_ plan that not even Alec knows - he was on board.

Izzy smiles to herself. She always had this picture of her perfect parents, checking all the details of every contract to exploit every possible option. But somehow they didn't realise what they signed up for.

After the reception Isabelle walks to her office. Her secretary greets her. "Mr Lightwood is waiting for you."

Izzy nods. It feels like yesterday that she and Alec shared a working space in this house before she left to work at 'Banes & Rollins', and now he is sitting on the couch in his old office that is hers now.

He gives her a warm smile and pulls her into a tight embrace.

"Congratulations, Isabelle. You made it."

"I couldn't have done it without your help," she replies.

"Nah, that's just because I always liked number juggling more than you. That's all," Alec says, sitting down again.

Izzy shakes her head. "You know that this isn't true."

She knows how many hours Alec invested in her, most likely out of a misplaced queasy conscience. But she accepted it, knowing it would benefit him, too.

"So, why did you ask me to come over? Do you want to piss off our old man right from the start?"

Izzy leans against her desk. "You don't know the half of it," she grins.

Alec raises a questioning eyebrow. 

"Now that everything is cut and dried, I want to make you an offer. As you know we managed to secure that my share in the company is slightly over 50 per cent."

"Yes, that was my suggestion after all," Alec replies with a proud smile.

"Well, I offer you half of it."

Alec looks at her stunned. Did he understand her right?

"You're kidding!" he exhales.

Izzy shakes her head. "No, I planned this all along."

Alec shakes his head. "Izzy I can't!"

"Why not?"

Alec worries his lower lip. "Working with our parents? This is a disaster waiting to happen."

"Mum isn't here, she moved to Greenfield. And Dad holds less than we do combined. In case of a draw, our majority holding will overrule his opinion even if he manages to get Mum on his side, which I highly doubt. That woman wants revenge."

"Don't they have to agree to a new shareholder?"

A diabolic grin grows on Izzy's face. "Well, here's a funny thing. They don't. But I guess they aren't aware of it."

Alec's eyes grow wide. "How?"

"You know how it is." She shrugs her shoulders, a picture of innocence. "You change a passage slowly over several drafts and it just slips through."

"I can't believe that worked!" Alec guffaws.

"Perks of knowing the weak spots of your affiliates. I knew that Mum inwardly already said goodbye to this branch and wouldn't check too thoroughly and Dad is pretty occupied with his mistress. But still, you're right. I can't believe it either. Could be due to Magnus' unique way of building seemingly endless sentences."

She laughs.

"Don't keep me in suspense, Alec. What do you say?"

"I don't know, Izzy. This is still our parents' firm."

"Things are going to change. I need your help with that. Magnus and I already drafted a consulting contract between our companies. I want to reform this house from the roots up."

"It feels wrong to leave Magnus, though," Alec objects. "It wouldn't be fair after everything he has done for me."

"Big brother, he is thrilled for you!"

"He knows!?"

Izzy nod. "I let him in on my plans. He promised to not tell you a word. I wasn't sure if I could get this passage through the way it needed to. I didn't want to raise false hopes."

Alec nods in acknowledgement. "Still, I need time to think about this Iz."

Izzy smiles. "I thought so. Just know that Mum's old office is waiting for you."


	30. Chapter 30

That's not how Magnus imagined finding his boyfriend after receiving the good news of getting his old life back.

'[Dido's Lament](https://open.spotify.com/track/44yVTXLUAXy089aUbdtOWp?si=AVGgceLkSvqQlVApHrU_HA)' sounds over the patio where Alec is sitting, a tumbler with whisky standing in front of him.

The atmosphere is eerie and makes Magnus' blood run cold.

"Alexander?"

Maybe it's the worry laced into Magnus' voice or the shame of being caught, but Alec doesn't move. Is he already drunk?

Magnus sits down on the chair next to him and puts his hand on Alec's thigh.

"What happened?"

Alec exhales sharply. "You don't need to worry. I'm just proving a point to myself."

"And what point is that?"

Alec swallows. "That I am strong enough to resist the temptation even if I feel like drinking myself into unconsciousness."

"I don't understand."

Alec chuckles.

"My whole life I was a disappointment. I was never enough. When I lost everything I didn't want to feel anymore. My own pain, my siblings' worries, it was all too much.

"Today was quite the opposite and still, it was all too much, too. Izzy's offer turns my whole world upside down, **you** turned my whole life upside down. When I came ho... here, you weren't and I felt like jumping out of my own skin.

"I saw the Isla on your bar cart. Once it was my favourite whisky, you know. And I wanted it **so** bad. God, I wasn't so close to drinking since I got sober like I was an hour ago. And it wasn't something dramatic that pushed me so far, it wasn't a bad day, and even not giving in I wonder what this means.

"If I take the opportunity, the pressure will rise. What if I relapse?"

Magnus brushes his hand soothingly over Alec's thigh. "You won't. We will find other coping mechanisms, we'll talk it through. You know, you could have just called me when you came home."

Alec smiles at Magnus' choice of word, even if it was likely just a slip of his tongue.

"Didn't want to pull you into my crap," he murmurs.

Magnus sighs. "Alexander, we're a team now. Just as much as you wanted to care for me when I was at my weakest point, I want to be there for you at yours. There is nothing we can't achieve or endure together. I'm sure of that."

Alec nods and gives him a half-smile. "So, you want me to accept Izzy's offer?"

"I want you to do what feels right."

"What about you? How soon can you replace us?"

Magnus chuckles. "Nobody would ever be able to replace you two."

Alec rolls his eyes.

"We have a few good interns right now, I'm sure we can convince them to stay. But don't worry about that. It sounds as if you will take Izzy's offer."

"I'd love to see my parents' faces when they realise they've got played. And I want to support Izzy with her remodelling plans. But the most compelling argument is that we do not have to hide our relationship any longer."

"Is that so?" Magnus grins.

Alec smiles shyly. How can he still look like that after all that they've done and gone through?

Alec grabs his hand. "I'm done hiding. It's been way too long."

Magnus didn't realise how much he needed to hear these words.

"Good. Because I'm done pretending that you're living somewhere else."

Alec slowly raises an eyebrow.

"You sleep here nearly every night, only go back to your apartment when you need a change of clothing. I want you to move in officially. And I want to drag you to every godforsaken charity event I'm pressured to go to and take the same shift as you at the soup kitchen."

Alec looks at him in confusion.

"I started a few weeks ago. You inspired me," Magnus laughs.

Alec chuckles. "I want all that, too. But isn't that too fast? I mean, are you sure?"

Magnus takes Alec's face in his hands. "In my entire life, I wasn't as sure as I am right now. I want to share my life with you, Alexander. You are all I ever dreamt of and more. I know I can trust you and believe me, that's unusual for me. Right from the start, we were so raw around each other, but not once did you hurt me. I am the happiest I've ever been. So, yes, I'm sure."

Alec pulls him into a kiss and Magnus is happy to not taste a hint of smoke on Alec's tongue. He makes a mental note to put the bottles away. They mostly sit untouched now anyway.

* * *

"What is he doing here?" Maryse growls when she sees Alec sitting in the conference room.

"I thought you wanted to get to know our new partner," Izzy says nonchalantly.

Maryse's eyes look as if they were to pop out of her face any second.

Izzy pushes a slim stack of paper into her direction.

"I transferred half of my share to him."

"You did what!?" Maryse yells. Robert puts his hand on her forearm, but she shakes it off.

"Did you know of their plan?"

"No," he says, "although I assumed as much when Izzy took care of getting more than 50 per cent of the company and watered down the partner agreement clause."

Maryse gapes at him, for once speechless.

"Times are changing, Maryse," he simply says and moves to sit down at the conference table.

"You must agree that our kids inherited your shrewdness. You should be proud of them."

Alec can't believe what is unfolding right in front of him. He expected Maryse's reaction, but not Robert's.

"Alec is one of the best lawyers in the state. We would be stupid to leave him to someone like Bane to one day clean the floor of the courtroom with us."

"You're with 'Bane & Rollins'?" Maryse gasps.

"As of today only with Bane, mother," Alec says and Izzy snickers.

Maryse looks at him for a long, angry moment, huffs, and storms out of the room.

Robert ignores her exit and raises an eyebrow. "Are you two in love?"

"Yes," Alec replies, "We just decided that I'm going to move in with him."

Robert smiles softly. So, his son was the one who tamed the lothario. Nobody was able to find out why Mr Party suddenly stopped sleeping around and missed out on many events he usually frequented, and that for months. Not that Robert was interested in gossip like that, no.

"You certainly have a good taste in men. Magnus is a well-respected member of the society even though his antics are rather ... unique."

Alec chuckles. "That's exactly why I love him."

Robert nods. "I'm happy for you, son," he says and pats Alec on the shoulder.

Alec frowns. "I thought, no son of yours would lay with another man."

Robert chuckles awkwardly. "I know I have to eat humble pie. I am very sorry about how I acted in the past."

Izzy fixes him with her gaze. "How come?"

Robert shifts around on his chair. "I know that you are angry at me for cheating on your mum. I deserve that. But let's say, my girlfriend gave me a piece of her mind when I told her how we treated Alec."

"Is that why you signed the contract although you knew that Izzy could use it to bring me back?"

Robert nods. "I hoped she would. It's what you deserve, Alec. I made a huge mistake supporting your mother in her attempt to make your life a misery. I was weak. I hope one day I'll earn your forgiveness."

Alec opens his mouth, but Robert raises his hand. "We can talk about this later. Now let me see what you two scouted out for the future of our company. I'm all ears."


	31. Chapter 31

"So, Alec really gave notice. Are you okay with that?" Dot asks, running her fingers over Magnus' desk.

"Sure. From a business perspective, it's not great, of course, but Alec needs to do this. He deserves it."

Dot nods thoughtfully. "Is ... is everything alright between the two of you? I mean, we never really talked about it. I was just wondering ..."

Magnus knits his brow together. "Why do you ask?"

Dot looks away from him, the wood grain suddenly very interesting. "I never saw you two together as a couple. You were so professional around each other in the office. You usually can't keep your hands off your partners, Mags, even if your life depended on it. I just wondered if the flame went out already."

Magnus huffs in surprise. "No, quite the opposite, actually. Alec's moving in with me."

Dot's eyes grow wide at that. "Oh." Her face falls and a scowl warps her face.

Magnus tilts his head to the side and scrutinises her. "I thought you were happy for me. You always said I needed someone to settle down with."

She nods a little too enthusiastically. Magnus thinks back to what Alec said. He had dismissed it then, but now he isn't so sure anymore. 

"Do you mean that I should settle down with somebody else?"

"No," Dot stretches the word unnaturally long.

God, how can she be such a good lawyer while being so bad at faking?

"Dorothea!" Magnus scolds her softly.

She slumps into the chair opposite him. "Okay, I may have harboured the hope that our little arrangement would lead back to good old times eventually."

Magnus shakes his head. "Dot, we were never really together. We just had sex. Great sex, hands down, but just sex. You know we wouldn't work as a couple."

"Why not? We never tried."

Magnus sighs. "I love you, Dot, but ... like a friend. I'm sorry, but that's all I can give to you. If I knew about your feelings, I would have never ..."

"No, don't you dare apologise for what did both of us good," Dot interrupts him. "It's not your fault that I hoped for more. You're a good friend and I don't want to lose you, okay?"

She looks at him with worried eyes. Magnus gets up and sits down in the chair next to her. He takes her hand and brushes his thumb over her knuckles. 

"Dot, you are my friend. Of course, you won't lose me. You're like family to me. I never meant to hurt you. What can I do to make this easier for you?"

"Just that, Magnus," she says, squeezing his hand lightly, "You being my friend, not afraid of touching me." She smiles faintly. "I really just want you to be happy, Mags, and if Alec gives you that, then I will step back. I don't want to be a stumbling block for your relationship."

Magnus takes both of her hands in his and she turns to fully face him.

"Dot, you could never be that. Alec knows how important you are to me. And he knows that my love for you is different than the love I have for him."

"He's not jealous?"

Magnus chuckles. "He is, but he's working on it. He made it very clear that he doesn't want to sabotage our friendship."

Dot nods in relief. "Still, if he moves in, things will change. We can hardly throw him out once a week."

Magnus snickers. "No. But we can still have movie nights, just together with him or when he has other plans."

"But I suppose without the cuddling," Dot adds.

"I think that would be better. Not because of Alec, but because it might be awkward now that I know ..."

"Yeah, you're right ... I will miss it though."

Magnus tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Me, too."

A small smile tugs on her lips. "Liar. You've got Mr Teddy bear for that now. I bet he is a total octopus in private."

Magnus chuckles. "You're not wrong, but I think the jury's still out on who wins that title."

"Urgh," Dot moans, "I will die of diabetes just watching you two, am I right?"

"Your funeral will be beautiful," Magnus deadpans.

* * *

Alec hangs his last suit into ~~Magnus'~~ their wardrobe. His boyfriend embraces him from behind. "All settled in?" he asks and presses a kiss to Alec's neck.

Alec turns in his arms. "I guess so," he replies and kisses Magnus softly on the forehead. His hands roam over Magnus' back and still on his hips. He brushes his thumbs over the skin under Magnus' waistband.

"Mmh," Magnus responds, "I thought we would celebrate at Dharma's."

"I would very much prefer celebrating right here and now," Alec replies and kisses over Magnus' jawline. "I feel adventurous today," he whispers in his ear.

"Are you now?" Magnus asks, gasping at the feeling of Alec's lips on his neck. It's really criminal how well Alec already knows all his weak spots.

"Mmh," Alec hums into his skin and pushes Magnus' henley up and over his head. "I think it's high time for you to fuck me."

Magnus moans at the sheer thought of it. Not that he needs this to have a satisfying sex life, because he truly has no complaints in that department. Alec is a fast learner. But he would lie if he said he didn't dream about seeing his boyfriend come apart, being deeply buried inside of him.

"Are you sure?" he asks nonetheless.

"I'm all yours," Alec replies and pulls his own shirt over his head.

Magnus smiles. He was so many firsts for Alec and it still feels like a privilege every time he trusts him like that.

"I will make you feel so good," Magnus promises.

"I know you will," Alec murmurs.

Somehow Magnus knows that Alec does not only mean the sex. They always take care of each other and deep inside his soul Magnus feels that this will never change.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021 everyone! May the new year be filled with health, love, and friendship! 🌈

Alec scrolls through the photos on his phone. Three years. Sometimes he still can't believe that this isn't a dream. Who would have thought three years and two months back that he would be sitting here in their living room, looking at a picture of their family portrait at Izzy's wedding?

They look happy, even Maryse smiles. The way Luke looks at her with heart eyes might help. It's still not easy between Alec and her, but she doesn't try to carve out his eyes at any given moment and she's slowly warming up to Magnus and Meliorn, too.

Alec's eyes fix on Clary's hand. The engagement ring glimmers in the sunlight. He wished he were as brave as his brother, just dropping the question in the spur of a moment.

But Alec is a planner and his boyfriend deserves the best proposal ever, even if Magnus still tries to convince him that he is a man of simple pleasures.

Alec sighs and throws the phone to the side. It lands safely cushioned on the sofa.

He pulls his current pro bono case file from the coffee table onto his lap and looks at the pictures. Two boys, brothers, just two years apart. If the older one weren't trans Alec would have never gotten to represent them in court.

Rafael went through a lot. His parents were violent against him all his life, but it escalated when he came out. The child protective services took him and his little brother Max. But they were separated soon after and Rafe changed foster parents a lot. He's such a nice kid. He and Max deserve so much better.

Magnus walks in from the garden. He looks at Alec for a long, silent moment.

"What is it?"

Alec, not realising that he was no longer alone, startles. He gestures to the file.

"Rafe has to move again, even further away from Max. It makes me want to tear my hair out!"

"Aren't there any other options?" Magnus asks, sitting down next to Alec, and brushing a hand through his hair.

"Apart from a children's home, I don't see any. There are just no foster families who are willing to take a trans boy _and_ his brother."

Alec's anger is palpable.

"What does it take to become a foster parent?" Magnus asks.

"Not much as you can see. Only a vetting process with background checks and a four-week training class. Basically, everyone without a criminal record can become a foster parent which is great, of course. Money or a partner isn't necessary. You just need the space and the mental capacity."

Magnus takes a deep breath. He wanted to break the topic for a while now but wasn't sure how Alec would take it. But the two boys seem to have stolen his heart, as often as he talks about them.

"We've got plenty of space," Magnus says matter-of-factly, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.

Alec turns to him. "You mean ...?"

Magnus shrugs his shoulders. "I would have been happy to grow up in a home like ours, where I would have been accepted the way I was."

"It's a big step," Alec muses.

"Yes. And I get it if you're not ready for it."

Of course, he hopes that Alec feels ready. They spoke about children as part of their future, but it was always in a hypothetical way.

"No," Alec says with a firm voice, "I think I am more than ready. I want to be a dad. I hope my past doesn't work against us, though."

Magnus brushes his knuckles over Alec's cheek. "I doubt that. You will be a wonderful father."

"As will you," Alec says and pulls him in for a kiss.

Warmth rushes through Alec's chest and his heart aches in the best way possible. They are going to be parents!

He leans his forehead to Magnus' and brushes their noses together. Alec's lips curl up in a tiny smile.

To hell with plans that never come to existence when everything he needs is right here in his arms. "Marry me," he whispers.

"Okay," Magnus breathes, eliciting a chuckle from his fiancé.

"Okay," Alec snickers, "let's do this."

* * *

It takes three months in total to bring the boys home. Alec and Magnus were allowed to pick them up for a few trips before that, so the change can happen as smoothly as possible.

When the boys finally move in, all four are simultaneously excited and nervous.

Magnus and Alec just finished decorating the boys' rooms and the kids walk into them with wide eyes. Max tugs on Rafael's sleeve and whispers something into his ear. Rafe shrugs and turns nervously to their new foster parents.

"Thank you for the beautiful rooms," he says, obviously unsure how to voice what he wants to add.

"Is something wrong? Do you miss anything? You just need to tell us," Magnus encourages him.

"Max ... Max likes his new bed, but he ... he wonders if he is allowed to sleep together with me in mine."

Magnus smiles. How courageous to ask for something like that. He knows how differently this could be answered.

Before he can reply, Alec says, "Of course, you two need each other. Wherever you want to sleep, it's okay."

The boys decide to take turns. Their fathers chuckle. It's great to see the kids already relaxed in the new environment.

* * *

It's their 8th night as a family when Alec wakes up to the sound of crying from Max's room.

He stumbles through the hallway, Magnus right behind him.

"Shhhh, it's just a dream, Max," they hear Rafael say. Together they manage to wake the younger brother who clings to Rafe like someone would hold on to a tree in a storm. His big brother clings back.

"What do you need?" Alec asks, brushing his hand soothingly over Max's back.

"Can we sleep with you?" Rafael asks and after a short look over to Magnus Alec says, "Sure."

The kids end up in the middle of the bed with their fathers pushed to the edges of either side of the bed.

"Cuddle," Max orders and Alec chuckles, moving closer until Max nestles his back to his chest.

Rafael pulls on Magnus shirt, motioning him to do the same from the other side.

Magnus' and Alec's hands brush against each other in the middle and they intertwine them. The boys fall asleep, safely nestled in their parents' arms.

"I love you," Alec whispers.

"I love you, too," Magnus breathes back.

They smile at each other in the dim morning light. It's peaceful. Both know that there are difficult things in their future, but they will master every challenge with love and patience.

The first sunbeams enter through the curtains and bathe them in golden light. It looks like the scene of a fairy tale, the sleeping boys as beautiful as little seelies.

"I don't know why I deserve this - you, the boys, my whole life. I never thought that this might be me one day. Maybe the fairy godmother is real after all," Alec chuckles.

"You know, I don't think you need fairy dust to perform miracles, Alexander," Magnus murmurs, brushing his thumb over Alec's hand, "The moment you touched me, I knew you were magic."

Alec chuckles quietly. "I could say the same about you."

Magnus smiles. "I guess, we'll have to be magical together then."

Alec gives him a tired smile. "I suppose so."

They fall asleep like that. Their little family cuddled up in one bed, love, and hope, and their own little magic surrounding them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every story comes to an end. Thank you for your constant support, for reading, and for commenting. Every kudos, emoji, and feedback means so much to me. 💕
> 
> A big thank you to Hittiske, my beta reader, who not only helped me with spelling and grammar but also contributed ideas and challenged my storyline in the best way. This fic wouldn't be the same without you. 😘
> 
> Check out my new story [Kintsugi - or - How to repair a love with silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28466016/chapters/69753738). I hope, I see you there.
> 
> Stay safe!  
> Sabine


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